Snow-covered cactus is a rarity in Phoenix

Snow-covered cactus is a rarity in Phoenix

So if you have the pleasure of residing in Phoenix, Arizona, you probably know that radio station 99.9 KEZ took great pride this year in unleashing Christmas upon us earlier than ever, by beginning to play round-the-clock Christmas carols on Friday, November 7. Yes, you read that correctly, November SEVENTH! Not the traditional day after Thanksgiving. Not even early, as in a week before Thanksgiving. No…they got started a full three weeks before Thanksgiving.

Maybe it’s because we so rarely see snow here in the desert. According to Bill Bellis, meteorologist for ABC 15 News:

The greatest amount of snow ever recorded at the official reporting station here in Phoenix was 1.0 inch on January 20th 1933, and on January 21st and 22nd 1937.

Other times measurable snow was recorded include:

  • 0.5 inches on February 2nd 1939
  • 0.4 inches on December 21st and 22nd 1990
  • 0.2 inches March 12th 1917
  • 0.1 inches on November 28th 1919
  • 0.1 inches on December 11th 1985

The most recent snowfall that is considered significant, below 2,000 feet, was on December 6th 1998.

Regardless of the reason, for even the most ardent Christmas lover, I’ve gotta tell you (and the KEZ program director) that November 7th is just too freaking EARLY for Christmas carols.

What’s more . . . we put up with more than 50 days of Christmas carols before we finally got to THE day, and guess what. I think the poor DJ who had the Christmas evening shift on KEZ was so burned out by then that he/she didn’t even make it all the way to midnight. They were back to regular programming by 11 p.m. (or perhaps earlier, as that was when I turned on my radio).

Enjoying carols through the WHOLE holiday season

Enjoying carols through the WHOLE holiday season

That made me sad. I mean, why is it that we’re force-fed carols for nearly two months in preparation, but we don’t even make it all the way through the DAY of Christmas, let alone the day or two afterward? You’ve heard of the song, “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” right? Many traditions believe the Christmas season continues till January 6, the feast of the Three Kings, also known as the Epiphany.

At any rate, all this thinking about songs got me to wondering how many Christmas carols feature my favorite Christmas tradition, the Christmas stocking.

Here, in alphabetical order, are the partial lyrics to all the songs I could find that contain a mention of Christmas stockings.

I’ve marked the line before and after, and highlighted the word “stocking” for easy reference.

DISCLAIMER: Please be aware of several things.

(1) This list may not be complete. If you know of any songs I have missed, please e-mail me or post a comment and I’ll get your song added to the list.

(2) I haven’t heard of a lot of these songs . . . but I trusted my ever-knowledgeable Internet.

(3) Some of these songs contain profanity or objectionable imagery. I honestly went back and forth about whether or not to include them, but as I do not favor or condone censorship under any circumstances, it seemed hypocritical to then censor my own blog because some reader might be offended. I’ll mark the offending lyrics with a big CR for “creepy” or “crude” so you can know to skip them if you think they will offend . . . but please know they are included. If you’re perusing this site with your kids, just be aware.

(4) There are 38 songs total, so I’ve broken he list into 3 parts: 1-12, 13-24, and 25-38.

All I Want for Christmas Is You

Cashing In on Christmas

Child of Winter

Christmas Alphabet

Christmas Day (1)

Christmas Day (2)

Christmas in the Caribbean

Christmas Island

Christmas Memories

Christmas on the Station

CR Christmastime in Hell

CR Christmas With the Devil

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU
Mariah Carey/Vince Vance and the Valiants

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There’s just one thing I need

I don’t care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is…You

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There’s just one thing I need

I don’t care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I don’t need to hang my STOCKING

There upon the fireplace

Santa Claus won’t make me happy

With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you

You baby

CASHING IN ON CHRISTMAS

Bad News

Cashing in on Christmas

Hear those cash tills ring

Jingle bells make money

Everybody sing

[Little girls' voice]

I want to wake up on Christmas morning

With the snow all over the ground

With Bad News’ Christmas single in my STOCKING

It only costs just over a pound

Hello, this is Den Dennis

I hope you’re all having a very merry Christmas

This is our Christmas single, please buy it and make it number one

For our Christmas fun

CHILD OF WINTER
Caesar/Beach Boys

A child of winter

A child of the snow

I’m making a snowball

That someone will throw

I’m making a snowman

With charcoal for the eyes

A scarf draped in red

And a derby on his head

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus

Right down Santa Claus Lane

Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer are pulling on the reins

Bells are ringing, children singing

All is merry and bright

Hang your STOCKINGS and say your prayers

‘Cause Santa Claus comes tonight

The evening of Christmas

Presents have been passed

The wood in the fireplace

Is glowing its last

I’m closing my eyes now

In my bed I’m snuggling

Outside my window

The carolers sing

Christmas comes and the snow covers all

Trees are decorated with tinsel and lights

Mama’s in the kitchen making cookies and bread

The children are hungry, they’re waiting to be fed

CHRISTMAS ALPHABET

The McGuire Sisters

C is for the candy trimmed around the Christmas tree

H is for the happiness with all the family

R is for the reindeer prancing by the window pane

I is for the icing on the cake as sweet as sugar cane

S is for the STOCKING on the chimney wall

T is the toys beneath the tree so tall

M is for the mistletoe where ev’ry one is kissed

A is for the angels who make up the Christmas list

S is for old Santa who makes ev’ry kid his pet

Be good and he’ll bring you ev’rything in your Christmas alphabet

CHRISTMAS DAY

Ali Lohan

Can’t wait ‘till Christmas

Macy’s parade has come and gone

Time to sing those Christmas songs

It’s my favorite time of year

Spread the love and holiday cheer

Put up the tree

The holly and the ivy

Cause it’s almost Christmas day

On the rooftop reindeer pause (here comes Santa Claus)

Down the chimney comes Santa Claus bringing cheer and lots of joy

With the children’s Christmas toys

Let’s build a fire

Sing carols with the choir

Cause it’s almost Christmas day

Christmas bells are ringing, carolers are singing (Christmas day)

Christmas day is getting near

Celebrate the season with a special reason (Christmas day)

Jolly St. Nick will be here

Christmas lights are glowing winter wind is blowing (Christmas day)

Hang the candy canes on the tree

It’s fun to remember memories in December

STOCKINGS hung on the chimney

Put up the tree

The holly and the ivy

Cause it’s almost Christmas day

CHRISTMAS DAY

Michael W. Smith

Snow covered rooftops

Lights on the trees

The sound of singing

I hear down every street

Families have gathered from miles away

Oh, Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas day

You see that old tree

Down cotton lane

Those lights keep shining

It’s always the same

We hear the church bells

Ring out to say

Oh, Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas day

Oh, Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas day

See the lights and hang the STOCKINGS

Decorate with green and red

Make the cookies for old Santa

Made a runway for his sled

Singing carols on a sleigh ride

Gather round the manger scene

Open the presents and read the letter

And together we will sing

Oh, Merry Christmas

Joy to the world

For every nation

For every boy and girl

Let’s light a candle

For peace we pray

Oh, Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas day

It’s Christmas day

It’s Christmas day

Ohhhh, let’s light a candle

For peace we pray

Oh, Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas day

CHRISTMAS IN THE CARIBBEAN

Jimmy Buffet

Christmas in the Caribbean

Snowbirds fill the air

Christmas in the Caribbean

Lots of presents everywhere

We don’t live in a hurry

Send away for mistletoe

Christmas in the Caribbean

We got everything but snow.

Lights are glowing in the palm trees

STOCKINGS hanging from mast

Santa’s riding on a dolphin

Don’t you want to make it,

Don’t you want to make it last?

Christmas in the Caribbean

Snowbirds fill the air

Christmas in the Caribbean

Lots of presents everywhere

We don’t live in a hurry

Send away for mistletoe

Christmas in the Caribbean

We got everything but snow.

Sun-tanned children sleeping

Hoping Santa will come through

Christmas morning boy they’re leaping

Oh, it’s Bubba’s birthday

Mr. Buffett’s birthday, too!

CHRISTMAS ISLAND

Jimmy Buffett (Lyle Moraine)

Let’s get away from sleigh bells, let’s get away from snow

Let’s make a break some Christmas, dear, I know the place to go

How’d ya like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?

How’d ya like to spend the holiday away across the sea?

How’d ya like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?

How’d ya like to hang a STOCKING on a great big coconut tree?

How’d ya like to stay up late, like the islanders do?

Wait for Santa to sail in with your presents in a canoe

If you ever spend Christmas on Christmas Island

You will never stray for everyday

Your Christmas dreams come true

CHRISTMAS MEMORIES

Alabama

There’s a blanket of snow coverin’ up the old road

to the house where I was raised

Through the window I see the lights on the tree

and a glow from the old fireplace

Though it all looks the same so much has changed

from the way it used to be

Christmas memories of happy years gone by

They come back to me and keep me warm inside

Still those Christmas memories make me cry

Now the STOCKINGS are filled;

the house is still and the kids are dreamin’ away

There’s that old easy chair,

me and Daddy sat there waitin’ for Santa’s sleigh

Now Daddy’s gone but we carry on

’cause the little ones will need…

Christmas memories of happy years gone by

They come back to me and keep me warm inside

Oh they mean so much to me

Those Christmas memories make me cry

CHRISTMAS ON THE STATION

Slim Dusty

Ohh, we won’t have no sleigh ride

We’ll go swimming in the creek

But all the kids and relations

Who are staying for a week

The campfire’s blazing brightly

Steak on the barbecue

Welcome all the neighbors in

Were putting on a do

There’s going to be dancing and singing

At the old homestead tonight

Going to be carols ringing

Through the warm Australian night

Dance on the homestead verandah

To an old time fiddle tune

There’s going to be an old time party

With Christmas coming soon


Ohh, the kids are hanging STOCKINGS

And there’s one for me and you

Santa’s wearing moleskins

And a shirt of faded blue

The kitchen tables loaded

With ham and chicken too

Welcome all the neighbors in

Were putting on a do

CR CHRISTMASTIME IN HELL CR

South Park

String up the lights and light up the trees

We’re gonna make some revelry

Spirits are high, so I can tell

It’s Christmastime in hell!

Demons are nicer as you pass them by

There’s lots of demon toys to buy

The snow is falling, and all is well

It’s Christmastime in hell!

There goes Jeffrey Dahmer

With a festive Christmas ham

After he has sex with it

He’ll eat up all he can

And there goes John F Kennedy

Caroling with his son

Reunited for the holidays

God bless us, everyone!

Everybody has a happy glow

Let’s dance in blood, and pretend it’s snow

Even Mao Tse Tung is under the spell

It’s Christmastime in hell!

Satan: Adolf, here’s a present for you!

Adolf: Oh? Ein Tannenbaum!

Satan: Yes, Ein Tannenbaum!

God cast me down from heaven’s door

To rule in hell forever-more

But now I’m kinda glad that I fell

‘Cause it’s Christmastime in hell!

Here’s a rack to hang the STOCKINGS on

We still have to shop for Genghis Khan

Michael Landon’s hair looks swell

It’s Christmastime in hell!

There’s Princess Diana

holding burning mistletoe

Over poor Gene Siskel’s head

Just watch his weenie grow!

For one day we all stop burning

and the flames are not so thick

All the screaming and the torture stops

As we wait for old St Nick!

CR CHRISTMAS WITH THE DEVIL CR

Spinal Tap

The elves are dressed in leather

And the angels are in chains

(Christmas with the Devil)

The sugar plums are rancid

And the STOCKINGS are in flames

(Christmas with the Devil)

There’s a demon in my belly

And a gremlin in my brain

There’s someone up the chimney hole

And Satan is his name

The rats ate all the presents

And the reindeer ran away

(Christmas with the Devil)

There’ll be no Father Christmas

‘Cause it’s evil’s holiday

(Christmas with the Devil)

No bells in Hell

No snow below

Silent night, violent night

So come all ye unfaithful

Don’t be left out in the cold

You don’t need no invitation, no…

Your ticket is your soul

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