December 2008


Look quick, because this is likely the only time you will EVER see me in a banana suit!

Look quick, because this is likely the only time you will EVER see me in a banana suit!

You may have heard about all the fuss … Phoenix, Arizona – the fifth largest city in the country – finally has moved into the 21st century, transportation-wise. The Metro Light Rail debuted on Saturday, Dec. 27. It’s been y-e-a-r-s in the making. And we’ve been y-e-a-r-s in the waiting. But finally, after all the hype and the practice runs and the endless e-mails and news stories, it was open.

Though I live two blocks from the tracks and have honestly been pretty excited about the coming of the train, my neighbor, who’s ridden trains in cities around the globe, couldn’t figure out what all the fuss was about. Having lived in the NYC area for eight years, though, I got it. It’s not a bus, but a living, breathing train. It feels like our city’s grown up a bit…moved from the kids’ table to now dine with the grown-ups. Not sure how much it will help/affect the gridlock traffic, but I love the idea of living in a city with a train system.

Phoenicians have mixed feelings about the new train. Some feel it’s a huge waste of taxpayer money, while others share my more charitable view. One thing’s for sure – we know how to throw a party. Depending on which news source you read, between 90,000 and 150,000 people came out for the debut. People literally waited HOURS for a chance to ride the thing. My friends and I took a shuttle bus to a mid-line stop and had to wait only about 15 minutes before being able to  board. We rode only about 4 miles along the 20-mile track, exiting in the downtown area where one of the biggest parties was in full swing.

Oh – and we were wearing banana suits at the time. Seriously.

Like many girls named Anna, my friend, Anna Kruchten, endured the ubiquitous “Anna Banana” teasing as a child. She, however, decided to turn her moniker into a money-maker when she opened her own real estate agency and christened it Anna Banana Realty. Now she, her agents, and assorted other banana-types make a regular thing of donning banana suits and hitting the town for coffee, lunch, ribbon-cuttings, charity events, and every other opportunity that arises. The Light Rail grand opening was tailor-made for this Banana Bunch.

The most amazing thing was how many people stopped us to ask if they could get a picture with us…as if we were famous or interesting or important. OK, I guess we were interesting. Probably 60 percent of those who stopped us asked WHY we were wearing the banana suits. But a surprising number didn’t seem to care – they just wanted to preserve their moment wianna-garyth the five human bananas in digital imagery.

Some asked where we got the costumes…Bert Easley’s Fun Shop, of course.

Bananas costumes. Seriously.

So when it came to Christmas gifts this season for Anna and her husband, Gary, I naturally had to go along with the banana theme. I made matching banana stockings! The color’s a little on the orangey side…but other than that, they somewhat resemble the banana suits…and actual bananas. They’re a little narrow, but still wide and deep enough to accommodate all kinds of great stocking fillers.

I haven’t ridden the train again since the first day, even though it’s free through New Year’s Eve – but I have no doubt I will ride again soon. Did I  mention they’ve even made the train cars bike friendly?! As appealing as the notoriety may be, next time I ride, though, I think I’ll leave the banana suit at home.

music-notesHere, in alphabetical order, are the partial lyrics to all the songs I could find that contain a mention of Christmas stockings.

I’ve marked the line before and after, and highlighted the word “stocking” for easy reference.

DISCLAIMER: Please be aware of several things.

(1) This list may not be complete. If you know of any songs I have missed, please e-mail me or post a comment and I’ll get your song added to the list.

(2) I haven’t heard of a lot of these songs . . . but I trusted my ever-knowledgeable Internet.

(3) Some of these songs contain profanity or objectionable imagery. I honestly went back and forth about whether or not to include them, but as I do not favor or condone censorship under any circumstances, it seemed hypocritical to then censor my own blog because some reader might be offended. I’ll mark the offending lyrics with a big CR for “creepy” or “crude” so you can know to skip them if you think they will offend . . . but please know they are included. If you’re perusing this site with your kids, just be aware.

(4) There are 38 songs total, so I’ve broken he list into 3 parts: 1-12, 13-24, and 25-38.

<!–[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE <![endif]–><!–[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]–>I’m Coming Home for Christmas

It’s Christmastime Again

Jolly Old St. Nicholas

Little Christmas Stocking With a Hole in the Toe

Merry Christmas, Everybody

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays

CR Merry Freakin’ Christmas

CR Merry Fucking Christmas

Santa Baby

Santa Claus Is Back in Town

Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town

Santa Got Arrested

Up on the Housetop

<!–[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE <![endif]–><!–[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]–>I ONLY WANT YOU FOR CHRISTMAS

Alan Jackson

The snow is falling

It’s Christmas Eve

Presents are wrapped

Under the tree

Is there one for me?

I only want you for Christmas, baby

I don’t need nothing else

I only want you for Christmas, baby

Tie a ribbon ’round yourself

Oh, tie a ribbon ’round yourself

I ain’t gonna write no letter

Send north to the pole

Cause what I’m wanting this year

Saint Nick don’t need to know

I only want you for Christmas, baby

I don’t need nothing else

I only want you for Christmas, baby

Tie a ribbon ’round yourself

Oh, tie a ribbon ’round yourself

So put on your Christmas STOCKINGS

I’ll find that mistletoe

Let’s get into the holiday spirits

And honey ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho

I’M COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

The Beu Sisters

Snowman angels, ribbons, bows

Dreams of cocoa and mistletoe

Seems like years since I’ve been home

Can’t bare to spend another Christmas alone

Packed my bags, I’m on my way

Heading home for the holidays

Crowded airports, flights delayed

Should’ve hitched a ride on Santa’s sleigh

Can’t wait to see their faces

Told ’em I couldn’t make it

But I’m gonna be there soon

Twinkle lights and caroling

Candy-cane-shaped sugar cookies

I’m coming home for Christmas

I’m coming home for Christmas

Friends and family trim the tree

Don’t put the star on top without me

Cause I’m coming home for Christmas

I’m coming home, it’s Christmastime

Bundled up like an Eskimo

Sitting in the snow

This little town is all the glow

While Jingle Bells is on the radio

Just a block away from memory lane

Snowflakes frosting windows

Neighbors waving happy holidays

While I slip and slide

Up the icy walkway

Can’t wait to see their faces

Ring the bell my heart is racing

Don’t even know their

Gonna see me soon

Standing in the doorway

The door swings open, Merry Christmas

They cover me with hugs and kisses

The little ones say a Christmas wish

Came true and mine did too

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

I’m finally home for Christmas

Friends and family trim the tree

Let’s put the star on and hang the STOCKINGS

I’m finally home for Christmas

Can’t believe I’m home for Christmastime

I’m finally home for Christmastime

IT’S CHRISTMASTIME AGAIN

Jessica Simpson

I see the lights are shining, against the winter sky

Above the rooftops, reindeer are flying

Bells are ringing through the night, I look outside

There’s a sleigh ride, a choir begins to sing

Stars gleaming, kids are dreaming

Of what the day will bring

In the fallen snow under the mistletoe

I need you here with me when I hold you close

Baby, take my hand in wonderland

Cause it’s Merry Christmas time again

It’s Christmastime again

A wreath on every front door, lights hung for all to see

Warm cider by the fire, STOCKINGS for you and me

Kids a gift for Santa, milk and cookies by the tree

I’m wondering what will he bring, this year on Christmas eve

Well there’s nothing like being home for Christmas

It’s a wonderful time of year

And there’s just one thing that’s noticed missing

Baby I’d feel that something’s missing

If you’re not here

JOLLY OLD ST. NICHOLAS

Traditional

Jolly old St. Nicholas, lean your ear this way!

Don’t you tell a single soul, what I’m going to say;

Christmas Eve is coming soon; now, you dear old man,

Whisper what you’ll bring to me; tell me if you can

When the clock is striking twelve, when I’m fast asleep,

Down the chimney broad and black, with your pack you’ll creep;

All the STOCKINGS you will find hanging in a row;

Mine will be the shortest one, you’ll be sure to know

Johnny wants a pair of skates, Susie wants a dolly;

Nellie wants a story book; she thinks dolls are folly;

As for me, my little brain isn’t very bright;

Choose for me, old Santa Claus, what you think is right

LITTLE CHRISTMAS STOCKING WITH A HOLE IN THE TOE

Unknown

In the house upon the hill

Hanging on the window sill

Was a little Christmas stocking with a hole in the toe

And when Santa came to call

At the house upon the hill

He saw the Christmas STOCKING hanging in the candle glow.

Santa chuckled to himself

As he walked across the floor

To the little Christmas stocking with a hole in the toe

And he saw a note was pinned

The place where it was torn

He read the note

then turned his head

so teardrops would not show

The note said, “Santa I am just a little boy

And I have everything that could bring me yuletide joy

When you fill my stocking, if it should overflow

I won’t mind if something pushes through the hole in the toe.”

Santa went back to his sled

And he loaded up his pack

Then he went back down the chimney and his heart was oh so glad

And he filled the stocking until no more he could pack

‘Cause the note said, “Please, dear Santa

Could you make the gifts for mom & dad?”

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY

Slade/Oasis/Westlife

Are you hanging up a STOCKING on the wall?

It’s the time that every Santa has a ball

Does he ride a red-nosed reindeer?

Does he turn up on his sleigh?

Do the fairies keep him sober for a day?

So here it is, Merry Christmas

Everybody’s having fun

Look to the future now

It’s only just begun

Are you waiting for the family to arrive?

Are you sure you got the room to spare inside?

Does your granny always tell ya that old songs are the best?

Then she’s up and rock ‘n’ rollin’ with the rest

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS

NSync

We’ve been waiting all year for this night

When the snow is glistening on the trees outside

All the STOCKINGS are hung by the fire side

Waiting for Santa to arrive

And all the love will show

Cuz everybody knows it’s Christmas time

And all the kids will see

The gifts under the tree

It’s the best time of year for the family

It’s a wonderful feeling

Feel the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling

It’s that time of year

Christmas time is here and

With a message from above

God sends you His love and

Everything’s OK

Merry Christmas

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

Happy Holidays

CR MERRY FREAKIN’ CHRISTMAS CR

Calibretto 13

Well, I woke up that night to take a pee

Decided to look under the tree

Well, what did I see? Oh it was he, stuffing the STOCKING for me

It was my dad

He said, “Son, you’re going on 19

It’s time to face reality

There is no Santa Claus

Face it if you can,

Cause Santa Claus was really just a man”

Santa Claus was just a man

Santa Claus was just a man

Why was I lied to?

It’s so hard to understand

Santa Claus was just a man

Santa Claus was just a man

Now I’m very mad

‘cause Santa Claus was really just my dad

He sat me down that morning to explain

But all the words he told me were in vain

Because the lie that I was living

Had led me to believe

That Santa Claus was more than just a dream

He was my dad

Santa Claus was just a man

Santa Claus was just a man

CR MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS CR

South Park/Mr. Garrison

I heard there is no Christmas in the silly Middle East

No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus,

They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad and not in our holiday

And so every December I got to the Middle East and say

Hey there Mr. Muslim, merry fucking Christmas

Put down that book, the Koran, and here’s some holiday wishes

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s Jesus’ birthday

So get off your heathen Muslim ass and fucking celebrate

There is no holiday season in India I’ve heard

They don’t hang up their STOCKINGS and that is just absurd

They’ve never read a Christmas story

They don’t know what Rudolph is about

And that is why in December I’ll go to India and shout

Hey there Mr. Hinduist, merry fucking Christmas

Drink eggnog and eat some beef and pass it to the missus

In case you haven’t noticed its Jesus’ birthday

So get of your heathen Hindu ass and fucking celebrate

Now I heard that in Japan everyone just lives in sin

They pray to several gods and put needles in their skin

On December 25th all they do is eat a cake

And that is why I go to Japan and walk around and say

Hey there Mr. Shintoist, merry fucking Christmas

God is gonna kick your ass, you infidelic pagan scum

In case you haven’t noticed, there’s festive things to do

So let’s all rejoice for Jesus and merry fucking Christmas to you

On Christmas day

I travel around the world and say

Down with Krishnas, Buddists, and all you atheists too

Merry fucking Christmas to you

SANTA BABY

Eartha Kitt/Jhene/Madonna/Kylie Minogue/Mindy McCready/B2K/Faith Evans/Carter’s Chord/Vonda Shepard

Santa, baby, fill my STOCKING with a duplex, and checks

Sign your X on the line, Santa, baby

And hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree

With some decorations bought at Tiffany’s

I really do, believe in you

So let’s see if you, believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing

A ring . . . and I don’t mean on the phone

Santa baby, please hurry down the chimney tonight

SANTA CLAUS IS BACK IN TOWN

Elvis Presley/Dwight Yoakam/Tricia Yearwood

Well, it’s Christmastime, pretty baby

And the snow is fallin’ on the ground (Christmas, Christmas)

Well, it’s Christmas time, pretty baby

And the snow is on the ground (Christmas, Christmas)

Well, you be a real good little girl

Santa Claus is back in town. (Christmas, Christmas)

Got no sleigh with reindeer, no sack on my back

You’re gonna see me comin’ in a big black Cadillac

Whoa, oh, it’s Christmas time, pretty baby

And the snow is fallin’ on the ground (Christmas, Christmas)

Well, you be a real good little baby

Santa Claus is back in town.

(Christmas, Christmas. Christmas)

Hang up your pretty STOCKINGS, turn off the light

Santa Claus is comin’ down your chimney tonight

SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN

Traditional

I just came back from a lovely trip along the Milky Way

I stopped off at the North Pole to spend the holiday

I called on old dear Santa Claus to see what I could see

He took me to his workshop and told his plans to me

Now Santa is a busy man – he has no time to play

He’s got millions of STOCKINGS to fill on Christmas day

You’d better write your letter now and mail it right away

Because he’s getting ready – his reindeers and his sleigh

You better watch out, you better not cry

You better not pout, I’m telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

He’s making a list and checking it twice

He’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake

He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake

Oh, you better watch out, you better not cry

You better not pout, I’m telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

SANTA GOT ARRESTED

The Arrogant Worms

There won’t be any presents this Christmas

No goodies in your STOCKING

The milk and cookies that the children left out

Will be left untouched beside the sink

The reindeer will be staying in their pens this year

The elves haven’t built anything

‘Cause Santa got arrested

Last Christmas Day

Police got calls on 911

About a red-suited man who weighed a ton

There was a clear trail of evidence pointing north

This was the seventh time it happened on December 24th

The Mounties reached the North Pole

They found it was outside their jurisdiction

They called up Interpol, the Finnish police

To facilitate the suspect’s extradition

They knocked on the door of a well-marked shop

With a warrant for the owner’s apprehension

Then Santa got arrested

Christmas Day

Santa was charged with B&E

His council advised he plead guilty

There was footage of the crime running on TV

And photographs of little children sitting on his knee

The judge expressed concern about the risk of recidivism

His sentence was commuted

He got a bond of non-association with the elves

And his reindeer license was suspended

He says he’s giving up all of his former life

And now he wants to be a dental assistant

‘Cause Santa got arrested

UP ON THE HOUSETOP

Traditional

Up on the housetop, reindeer pause

Out jumps good old Santa Claus

Down through the chimney with lots of toys

All for the little ones’ Christmas joys

Ho, ho ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Ho, ho ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Up on the housetop, click, click, click

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick

First comes the STOCKING of little Nell

Oh, dear Santa fill it well

Give her a dolly that laughs and cries

One that will open and shut her eyes

Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Up on the housetop, click, click, click

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick

Next comes the stocking of little Will

Oh, just see what a glorious fill

Here is a hammer and lots of tacks

A whistle and a ball and a whip that cracks

Ho, ho ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Up on the housetop, click, click, click

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick

Here, in alphabetical order, are the partial lyrics to all the songs I could find that contain a mention of Christmas stockings.

I’ve marked the line before and after, and highlighted the word “stocking” for easy reference.

DISCLAIMER: Please be aware of several things.

(1) This list may not be complete. If you know of any songs I have missed, please e-mail me or post a comment and I’ll get your song added to the list.

(2) I haven’t heard of a lot of these songs . . . but I trusted my ever-knowledgeable Internet.

(3) Some of these songs contain profanity or objectionable imagery. I honestly went back and forth about whether or not to include them, but as I do not favor or condone censorship under any circumstances, it seemed hypocritical to then censor my own blog because some reader might be offended. I’ll mark the offending lyrics with a big CR for “creepy” or “crude” so you can know to skip them if you think they will offend . . . but please know they are included. If you’re perusing this site with your kids, just be aware.

(4) There are 38 songs total, so I’ve broken he list into 3 parts: 1-12, 13-24, and 25-38.

Christmas Without You

Christmastime

Dear Santa

CR Deck the Halls With Parts of Charlie

Green Christmas

Hanging Up My Stocking

Happy Holiday

Here Comes Santa Claus

Hey, Santa

The Holiday Season

Homecoming Christmas

I Met an Angel on Christmas Day

CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU

Xscape

The snow is falling like I knew it would,

Carolers are already singing

Last year is all that I can think about,

Every time I hear sleigh bells ringing

But I know,

That when summer came I pushed you away,

I should have never let you go, no

Now all I’m really trying to say is…

I want you to come home,

I know that there won’t be a Christmas without you,

I miss you so much

You’re all that I want,

I know that there won’t be a Christmas without you,

I miss you, come home

I remember all the love we made,

I miss your STOCKING on the fireplace.

Underneath the mistletoe we stayed,

‘Twas a very special holiday

CHRISTMASTIME

Arrogant Worms

It’s the festive season

There’s singing and shopping and joy

Santa’s talking to children

The elves are wrapping toys

The season’s one of charity

Of peace for all you’ve met

But though I should be of giving right now

I just want to get

It’s Christmastime and times are tough

It’s Christmastime, and we ain’t got enough

Hey, Mr. Santa Claus

We believe in you because

If we count on our so-called friends

our Christmas STOCKINGS will be empty

It’s Christmas time, we’re looking for a lot of stuff

My brother wants a computer

Sister wants a dolly

Mom wants a brand new bathtub

and Dad just wants alcohol he

spent last Christmas wasted

crawling on his knees

eating turkey that fell on the floor

and watering our Christmas tree

Mike wants a new guitar

Andy wants to record the Spice Girls

Trevor wants 13 kittens

Chris wants a date with Shania

We compared all our Christmas lists

and only one thing overlapped

We would all be happy if

everyone bought our crap

DEAR SANTA

Tim McGraw

Dear Santa, I’m a grown man now,

But I’ve got a problem here

If you’ve been watching then you must know,

I’ve not been good all year

I let her down, lost sight of us,

I don’t deserve one thing, but she does

Dear Santa bring her a heart,

The one she’s got is broken

Fill up her STOCKING with the words,

That I left unspoken

Now I’m not asking you to bring her love,

‘Cause Christmas morning when she wakes up,

Dear Santa that’s what she’ll get from me

Now I remember Christmas past,

When little was enough

Now all the presents under all the trees

Couldn’t save our love.

We need a miracle like the one on 34th,

To get us back to where we were before

CR DECK THE HALLS WITH PARTS OF CHARLIE CR

The Crypt Keeper

Deck the halls with parts of Charlie

Fa la la la la la la la la

Make the Yule time gross and gnarly

Fa la la la la la la la la

STOCKINGS stuffed with ears and fingers

Fa la la la la la la la la

Chopped from all those caroling singers

Fa la la la la la la la la

GREEN CHRISTMAS

Barenaked Ladies

Couples skating on the pond

Making angels on the lawn

Five red mittens drying on the rack

And needles shedding tannenbaums

Red bows on the railings

And snowflakes on the ground

But it’s a green Christmas in this town

Green

Cause of everything I miss

All this mistletoe but no kiss

And with every Christmas wish

There would be no greater gift

Than to have this envy lift

Carolers are at my door

Don’t wanna hear them anymore

STOCKINGS on the mantle

It snows here every day

But it’s a green Christmas anyway

Red nose on the reindeer

And tinsel on the tree

But it’s a green Christmas for me

HANGING UP MY STOCKINGS

Squirrel Nut Zippers

Want to show old Santa Claus that I be-lieve

Silent night and the stars are bright

The fields are white with snow

Christmas trees are waiting

Lights are turned down low

Tinsel shells and tinsel bells

Reflect the firelight’s hue

Seem to whisper softly

There’s just one thing to do, I’m…

Hanging up my STOCKINGS

Tonight is Christmas Eve

Want to show old Santa Claus that I believe

Want to see his reindeer dancing

Through the snow

Hope their bells will wake me up

So I will know

Now Iay me down to sleep upon this joyful night

Angels will watch over me until the morning light

Now Iay me down to sleep upon this joyful night

Now I have seen his reindeer prancing

Through the snow

Heard their bells their tinsel shells

So now I know

Santa Claus has been here

That’s one thing I believe

So I’m putting up my STOCKING ’til next

Christmas Eve

HAPPY HOLIDAY

Enuff Z’nuff

In Wonderland the snow is on the ground

the happiness, you hear it all around

Santa Claus and mistletoe and old Jack Frost

Yeah, don’t you know

That little boys and little girls

They love to play

With little toys and little twirls of yesterday

They sing the joys onto the world

I’d like to say, have a happy holiday

Even there are smiles among the poor

They don’t have much but they have love for sure

Helping hands to get those through

Who have no one, nothing to do

That little boys and little girls

They love to play

With little toys and little twirls of yesterday

They sing the joys onto the world

I’d like to say, have a happy holiday

Ding-dong, hear the bells they ring

Ding-dong, hear the caroler’s sing

STOCKINGS hung and filled with everything

When the emptiness to get you down

All alone you walk the lonely ground

Just think about the ones you love

And take the blows and rise above

HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS

Traditional

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus

Right down Santa Claus Lane

Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer

Pulling on the reins

Bells are rignin’, children singin’

All is merry and bright

Hang your STOCKINGS and say your prayers

‘Cause Santa Claus is coming tonight

HEY, SANTA

Ashanti

Hey, Santa, can you bring me something good

(Something good, something good)?

Hey, Santa, can you bring me something sweet

(Something sweet, something, something sweet)?

Like chocolate kisses or candy canes.

Gumdrops or butterscotch, fruity flavor chewy rings

Hey, Santa, can you bring me something nice

(Something nice, something nice)?

Hey, Santa, can you bring me something new

(Something new, something, something new)?

Like a diamond bracelet or a diamond ring

How about a shiny new, baby blue, convertible?

Hey, Santa, can you bring me everything?

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh…

Hey, Santa, can I sing this song to you

(Sing to you, sing to you)?

Hey, Santa, can you make my wish come true

(Make it true, make it, make it true)?

Can you fill my STOCKING with lots of treats?

Boxes with red and green, underneath the Christmas tree?

Hey, Santa, can you bring me everything?

THE HOLIDAY SEASON

Andy Williams

It’s the holiday season

And Santa Claus is coming back

The Christmas snow is white on the ground

When old Santa gets into town

He’ll be coming down the chimney, down

Coming down the chimney, down

It’s the holiday season

And Santa Claus has got a toy

For every good girl and good little boy

He’s a great big bundle of joy

He’ll be coming down the chimney, down

Coming down the chimney, down

He’ll have a big fat pack upon his back

And lots of goodies for you and me

So leave a peppermint stick for old St. Nick

Hanging on the Christmas tree

It’s the holiday season

With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock

And don’t forget to hang up your SOCK

‘Cause just exactly at 12 o’clock

He’ll be coming down the chimney

Coming down the chimney

Coming down the chimney, down!

HOMECOMING CHRISTMAS

Alabama

A glowin’ fire and fallin’ snow, they spark a memory

STOCKINGS hangin’, mistletoe, presents beneath a tree

A happy boy wakin’ up to toys, lookin’ so surprised

And wondering how Santa knew just when I closed my eyes

It’s a Homecoming Christmas, goin’ back to where it all began

Homecoming Christmas, I wanna be there once again

Memories do sweet and strong and I’ve been done too long

It’s Christmas time and I’m comin’ home

I can see the Christmas tree and feel the warm fireplace

Handmade decorations, homemade pies and cakes

Family all together with so much love to share

A special time and I can’t wait, can’t wait to be there

I MET AN ANGEL ON CHRISTMAS DAY

Celine Dion

Twenty-fourth of December

It was a cold and snowing night

I still can remember

Gazing at the stars and the moonlight

Fell asleep on a sofa-bed

Dreams of Christmas in my head

But I woke up to my surprise

There he was right in front of my eyes

Listen up to what I got to say

I found true love and it’s here to stay

Chapel bells are gonna ring in me

I met an angel on Christmas day

I was stuffing the STOCKINGS

And hanging tinsel on the tree

When I heard him knocking

I opened the door in time to see

Carolers sing “Silver Bells”

I saw his face, that’s when I fell

He was there bent on one knee

Santa sent him just for me

Snow-covered cactus is a rarity in Phoenix

Snow-covered cactus is a rarity in Phoenix

So if you have the pleasure of residing in Phoenix, Arizona, you probably know that radio station 99.9 KEZ took great pride this year in unleashing Christmas upon us earlier than ever, by beginning to play round-the-clock Christmas carols on Friday, November 7. Yes, you read that correctly, November SEVENTH! Not the traditional day after Thanksgiving. Not even early, as in a week before Thanksgiving. No…they got started a full three weeks before Thanksgiving.

Maybe it’s because we so rarely see snow here in the desert. According to Bill Bellis, meteorologist for ABC 15 News:

The greatest amount of snow ever recorded at the official reporting station here in Phoenix was 1.0 inch on January 20th 1933, and on January 21st and 22nd 1937.

Other times measurable snow was recorded include:

  • 0.5 inches on February 2nd 1939
  • 0.4 inches on December 21st and 22nd 1990
  • 0.2 inches March 12th 1917
  • 0.1 inches on November 28th 1919
  • 0.1 inches on December 11th 1985

The most recent snowfall that is considered significant, below 2,000 feet, was on December 6th 1998.

Regardless of the reason, for even the most ardent Christmas lover, I’ve gotta tell you (and the KEZ program director) that November 7th is just too freaking EARLY for Christmas carols.

What’s more . . . we put up with more than 50 days of Christmas carols before we finally got to THE day, and guess what. I think the poor DJ who had the Christmas evening shift on KEZ was so burned out by then that he/she didn’t even make it all the way to midnight. They were back to regular programming by 11 p.m. (or perhaps earlier, as that was when I turned on my radio).

Enjoying carols through the WHOLE holiday season

Enjoying carols through the WHOLE holiday season

That made me sad. I mean, why is it that we’re force-fed carols for nearly two months in preparation, but we don’t even make it all the way through the DAY of Christmas, let alone the day or two afterward? You’ve heard of the song, “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” right? Many traditions believe the Christmas season continues till January 6, the feast of the Three Kings, also known as the Epiphany.

At any rate, all this thinking about songs got me to wondering how many Christmas carols feature my favorite Christmas tradition, the Christmas stocking.

Here, in alphabetical order, are the partial lyrics to all the songs I could find that contain a mention of Christmas stockings.

I’ve marked the line before and after, and highlighted the word “stocking” for easy reference.

DISCLAIMER: Please be aware of several things.

(1) This list may not be complete. If you know of any songs I have missed, please e-mail me or post a comment and I’ll get your song added to the list.

(2) I haven’t heard of a lot of these songs . . . but I trusted my ever-knowledgeable Internet.

(3) Some of these songs contain profanity or objectionable imagery. I honestly went back and forth about whether or not to include them, but as I do not favor or condone censorship under any circumstances, it seemed hypocritical to then censor my own blog because some reader might be offended. I’ll mark the offending lyrics with a big CR for “creepy” or “crude” so you can know to skip them if you think they will offend . . . but please know they are included. If you’re perusing this site with your kids, just be aware.

(4) There are 38 songs total, so I’ve broken he list into 3 parts: 1-12, 13-24, and 25-38.

All I Want for Christmas Is You

Cashing In on Christmas

Child of Winter

Christmas Alphabet

Christmas Day (1)

Christmas Day (2)

Christmas in the Caribbean

Christmas Island

Christmas Memories

Christmas on the Station

CR Christmastime in Hell

CR Christmas With the Devil

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU
Mariah Carey/Vince Vance and the Valiants

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There’s just one thing I need

I don’t care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is…You

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There’s just one thing I need

I don’t care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I don’t need to hang my STOCKING

There upon the fireplace

Santa Claus won’t make me happy

With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you

You baby

CASHING IN ON CHRISTMAS

Bad News

Cashing in on Christmas

Hear those cash tills ring

Jingle bells make money

Everybody sing

[Little girls’ voice]

I want to wake up on Christmas morning

With the snow all over the ground

With Bad News’ Christmas single in my STOCKING

It only costs just over a pound

Hello, this is Den Dennis

I hope you’re all having a very merry Christmas

This is our Christmas single, please buy it and make it number one

For our Christmas fun

CHILD OF WINTER
Caesar/Beach Boys

A child of winter

A child of the snow

I’m making a snowball

That someone will throw

I’m making a snowman

With charcoal for the eyes

A scarf draped in red

And a derby on his head

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus

Right down Santa Claus Lane

Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer are pulling on the reins

Bells are ringing, children singing

All is merry and bright

Hang your STOCKINGS and say your prayers

‘Cause Santa Claus comes tonight

The evening of Christmas

Presents have been passed

The wood in the fireplace

Is glowing its last

I’m closing my eyes now

In my bed I’m snuggling

Outside my window

The carolers sing

Christmas comes and the snow covers all

Trees are decorated with tinsel and lights

Mama’s in the kitchen making cookies and bread

The children are hungry, they’re waiting to be fed

CHRISTMAS ALPHABET

The McGuire Sisters

C is for the candy trimmed around the Christmas tree

H is for the happiness with all the family

R is for the reindeer prancing by the window pane

I is for the icing on the cake as sweet as sugar cane

S is for the STOCKING on the chimney wall

T is the toys beneath the tree so tall

M is for the mistletoe where ev’ry one is kissed

A is for the angels who make up the Christmas list

S is for old Santa who makes ev’ry kid his pet

Be good and he’ll bring you ev’rything in your Christmas alphabet

CHRISTMAS DAY

Ali Lohan

Can’t wait ‘till Christmas

Macy’s parade has come and gone

Time to sing those Christmas songs

It’s my favorite time of year

Spread the love and holiday cheer

Put up the tree

The holly and the ivy

Cause it’s almost Christmas day

On the rooftop reindeer pause (here comes Santa Claus)

Down the chimney comes Santa Claus bringing cheer and lots of joy

With the children’s Christmas toys

Let’s build a fire

Sing carols with the choir

Cause it’s almost Christmas day

Christmas bells are ringing, carolers are singing (Christmas day)

Christmas day is getting near

Celebrate the season with a special reason (Christmas day)

Jolly St. Nick will be here

Christmas lights are glowing winter wind is blowing (Christmas day)

Hang the candy canes on the tree

It’s fun to remember memories in December

STOCKINGS hung on the chimney

Put up the tree

The holly and the ivy

Cause it’s almost Christmas day

CHRISTMAS DAY

Michael W. Smith

Snow covered rooftops

Lights on the trees

The sound of singing

I hear down every street

Families have gathered from miles away

Oh, Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas day

You see that old tree

Down cotton lane

Those lights keep shining

It’s always the same

We hear the church bells

Ring out to say

Oh, Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas day

Oh, Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas day

See the lights and hang the STOCKINGS

Decorate with green and red

Make the cookies for old Santa

Made a runway for his sled

Singing carols on a sleigh ride

Gather round the manger scene

Open the presents and read the letter

And together we will sing

Oh, Merry Christmas

Joy to the world

For every nation

For every boy and girl

Let’s light a candle

For peace we pray

Oh, Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas day

It’s Christmas day

It’s Christmas day

Ohhhh, let’s light a candle

For peace we pray

Oh, Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas day

CHRISTMAS IN THE CARIBBEAN

Jimmy Buffet

Christmas in the Caribbean

Snowbirds fill the air

Christmas in the Caribbean

Lots of presents everywhere

We don’t live in a hurry

Send away for mistletoe

Christmas in the Caribbean

We got everything but snow.

Lights are glowing in the palm trees

STOCKINGS hanging from mast

Santa’s riding on a dolphin

Don’t you want to make it,

Don’t you want to make it last?

Christmas in the Caribbean

Snowbirds fill the air

Christmas in the Caribbean

Lots of presents everywhere

We don’t live in a hurry

Send away for mistletoe

Christmas in the Caribbean

We got everything but snow.

Sun-tanned children sleeping

Hoping Santa will come through

Christmas morning boy they’re leaping

Oh, it’s Bubba’s birthday

Mr. Buffett’s birthday, too!

CHRISTMAS ISLAND

Jimmy Buffett (Lyle Moraine)

Let’s get away from sleigh bells, let’s get away from snow

Let’s make a break some Christmas, dear, I know the place to go

How’d ya like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?

How’d ya like to spend the holiday away across the sea?

How’d ya like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?

How’d ya like to hang a STOCKING on a great big coconut tree?

How’d ya like to stay up late, like the islanders do?

Wait for Santa to sail in with your presents in a canoe

If you ever spend Christmas on Christmas Island

You will never stray for everyday

Your Christmas dreams come true

CHRISTMAS MEMORIES

Alabama

There’s a blanket of snow coverin’ up the old road

to the house where I was raised

Through the window I see the lights on the tree

and a glow from the old fireplace

Though it all looks the same so much has changed

from the way it used to be

Christmas memories of happy years gone by

They come back to me and keep me warm inside

Still those Christmas memories make me cry

Now the STOCKINGS are filled;

the house is still and the kids are dreamin’ away

There’s that old easy chair,

me and Daddy sat there waitin’ for Santa’s sleigh

Now Daddy’s gone but we carry on

’cause the little ones will need…

Christmas memories of happy years gone by

They come back to me and keep me warm inside

Oh they mean so much to me

Those Christmas memories make me cry

CHRISTMAS ON THE STATION

Slim Dusty

Ohh, we won’t have no sleigh ride

We’ll go swimming in the creek

But all the kids and relations

Who are staying for a week

The campfire’s blazing brightly

Steak on the barbecue

Welcome all the neighbors in

Were putting on a do

There’s going to be dancing and singing

At the old homestead tonight

Going to be carols ringing

Through the warm Australian night

Dance on the homestead verandah

To an old time fiddle tune

There’s going to be an old time party

With Christmas coming soon


Ohh, the kids are hanging STOCKINGS

And there’s one for me and you

Santa’s wearing moleskins

And a shirt of faded blue

The kitchen tables loaded

With ham and chicken too

Welcome all the neighbors in

Were putting on a do

CR CHRISTMASTIME IN HELL CR

South Park

String up the lights and light up the trees

We’re gonna make some revelry

Spirits are high, so I can tell

It’s Christmastime in hell!

Demons are nicer as you pass them by

There’s lots of demon toys to buy

The snow is falling, and all is well

It’s Christmastime in hell!

There goes Jeffrey Dahmer

With a festive Christmas ham

After he has sex with it

He’ll eat up all he can

And there goes John F Kennedy

Caroling with his son

Reunited for the holidays

God bless us, everyone!

Everybody has a happy glow

Let’s dance in blood, and pretend it’s snow

Even Mao Tse Tung is under the spell

It’s Christmastime in hell!

Satan: Adolf, here’s a present for you!

Adolf: Oh? Ein Tannenbaum!

Satan: Yes, Ein Tannenbaum!

God cast me down from heaven’s door

To rule in hell forever-more

But now I’m kinda glad that I fell

‘Cause it’s Christmastime in hell!

Here’s a rack to hang the STOCKINGS on

We still have to shop for Genghis Khan

Michael Landon’s hair looks swell

It’s Christmastime in hell!

There’s Princess Diana

holding burning mistletoe

Over poor Gene Siskel’s head

Just watch his weenie grow!

For one day we all stop burning

and the flames are not so thick

All the screaming and the torture stops

As we wait for old St Nick!

CR CHRISTMAS WITH THE DEVIL CR

Spinal Tap

The elves are dressed in leather

And the angels are in chains

(Christmas with the Devil)

The sugar plums are rancid

And the STOCKINGS are in flames

(Christmas with the Devil)

There’s a demon in my belly

And a gremlin in my brain

There’s someone up the chimney hole

And Satan is his name

The rats ate all the presents

And the reindeer ran away

(Christmas with the Devil)

There’ll be no Father Christmas

‘Cause it’s evil’s holiday

(Christmas with the Devil)

No bells in Hell

No snow below

Silent night, violent night

So come all ye unfaithful

Don’t be left out in the cold

You don’t need no invitation, no…

Your ticket is your soul

Red Dice Print on Green Background with Red Fringe

Red Dice Print on Green Background with Red Fringe

This stocking will tickle the fancy of the
casino-goer in your life. This vibrant print
features red dice on a green background.
Red fringe accent cuff appointed with brass
Club and Diamond buttons. Fully lined.
Measures 17″ H x 6.5″ W. $35

Please eMail RedDice@WordsMadeEasy.com to purchase.

Woven with Various Strips of Green Christmas Prints

Woven with Various Strips of Green Christmas Prints

Front and back of this festive stocking
are woven with torn strips of various
green Christmas prints. Fully lined.
Measures 10″ H x 9″ W. $35

Please eMail GreenTornWoven@WordsMadeEasy.com to purchase.

Angel Applilque on Ticking

Angel Applique on Ticking

This charming country angel
is appliqued on blue/white
ticking. Embroidery floss hair,
buttons, ribbon bow. Fully lined.
Measures 16″ H x 12.5″ W. $50

Please eMail CountryAngel@WordsMadeEasy.com to purchase.

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