Gift-giving and Christmas stocking etiquette

The Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl! Read a couple great posts about the little team that could from Michele PW and Mike Leeds this week.

Michele wrote about how everyone counted the Cardinals out, and no one thought they could do it. But against all odds, they DID IT. And we can and should approach our businesses with the same tenacity.

Mike went in a different direction to discuss the concept of sports fan etiquette, something I’d never considered before. Politics and religion have long been taboo subjects in the office, known to ignite intense controversy, while sports has always been a pretty safe bet. But what happens when you’re rooting for one team and your boss (and/or coworkers) are rooting for the other? Mike gives some great tips about how to be an enthusiastic fan without becoming boorish about it.

Reading Mike’s post got me to thinking about etiquette in other areas of life … which, of course, led me back to the holidays and gift-giving/Christmas stocking etiquette.

First, it helps to know what, precisely, is meant by the word. The first definition from dictionary.com is:

et⋅i⋅quette

/ˈɛtɪkɪt, -ˌkɛt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [et-i-kit, -ket] – noun

1.	conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion.

2.	a prescribed or accepted code of usage in matters of ceremony, as at a court or in official or other formal observances.

3.	the code of ethical behavior regarding professional practice or action among the members of a profession in their dealings with each other: medical etiquette.

---

Origin:
1740–50; < F étiquette, MF estiquette ticket, memorandum, deriv. of estiqu(i)er to attach, stick < Gmc. See stick ² , -ette

So, basically, we’re talking about proper, polite, classy behavior that’s not going to create ill-will or stir up bad reactions in others. Seems easy enough when it comes to gift-giving, right? Maybe. Maybe not.

Tips for Being a Good Gift-Giver

• Make sure the person to whom you are giving the gift will like it. This may seem rather obvious, but think back to some of the gifts you’ve received. If you’ve ever had that “What the hell were they thinking?!??” thought cross your mind on opening a gift, assess whether you might ever unintentionally create the same response in someone else. That techno gadget may seem cool to you, but you’re not going to be the one using it now, are you?

• Avoid those obligatory “just because” gifts. Really. If your heart’s not in it, don’t waste your time or money because the recipient will know you picked it up at Home Depot or Staples on your way to the party and it will either be re-gifted, tossed in the trash bin, or sit on a shelf in the closet collecting dust. If etiquette calls for a gift and you don’t know the person well, do some research to find out what they’d like or opt for a gift card.

• Be sure your gift is lifestyle appropriate for the person receiving it. A large box of Godiva chocolates may be a fantastic gift for one person, but it would be incredibly insensitive for someone with diabetes. Likewise, a gorgeous, personalized Christmas stocking might delight one person, but giving the same gift to someone who is Jewish, Muslim, or does not celebrate Christmas would be disrespectful and could even be perceived as offensive.

Appropriate Gifts for Your Boss

The “women in business” page on About.com had some interesting advice about gifts for the boss. The gist of the question was about the appropriateness of giving your boss a hand-made gift … but the advice is more generic and actually quite helpful.

Generally speaking, the appropriateness of a handmade gift depends on what it is and how well you know your boss. Scented candles are nice and may demonstrate your talent, but not everyone appreciates scented items. Art is also a matter of personal taste, so before you wrap and present that opus magnum into which you’ve poured days and weeks of your life, be absolutely certain it will be appreciated. If you do give a painting, pottery, or any sort of display item, you probably want to keep it small.

No matter how talented you are, the last thing you want to do is make your boss feel obligated to display, use, or consume anything you make.

Like we discussed earlier, you must give the gift with the recipient’s tastes in mind, not yours. While your friends and/or family might appreciate a hand-made gift from you because of the close relationship you have with them, your boss is not necessarily going to have a similar response. And you cannot make him/her wrong for that!

Your boss will be most likely to appreciate something that has a practical use. Your goal with a gift to a fellow business professional is to communicate that you value and appreciate them … not so much the “handmade with love” message.

Christmas Stocking Etiquette

• Make sure you’ve got a stocking for everyone! If you will have a house guest celebrating with your family at the time you will be opening stockings, be sure you’ve got a stocking for them, too.

• Allow the guest to take the stocking with them when they depart. This question came up in response to my Google search for “Christmas stocking etiquette,” and my first thought was, “You’ve got to be kidding me!!” Of course your guests should take their stockings home with them! Why on earth would you buy/make them a stocking if you didn’t intend for them to take it home? Just have enough sense not to designate as theirs an expensive stocking or family heirloom you prefer to keep. Yes, there’s something to be said for having all the stockings match your decor perfectly. There’s also common sense. Pull it out of the linen closet at the last minute, if you don’t want the guest’s stocking to clash with your decorations.

• On the other hand, just because you offer to allow them to take it, realize they may politely decline. Who knows – perhaps they’ve got piles of stockings at their house and just don’t need another one. Whatever their reason, unless they are ungracious (and even if they are), suggest that your guest take the stocking, but be flexible and fine with it if they prefer not to.

• Fill the stockings proportionately, but don’t make yourself crazy about this. When you’ve got little kids (and maybe even older kids), it’s sometimes really important to do things proportionately. If Johnny gets 7 items in his stocking, Janie gets 7 in hers. But sometimes trying to be fair and equal can get preposterous. Just don’t go overboard and fill one stocking to the brim, while all the others look like they each contain a miniature Hershey bar and a stick of gum.

• Take care with the size of your stockings! The bigger it is, the more it will take to fill it. I still think the dollar store is a great place to find stocking stuffers … but even that can add up if you’ve got four or five giant stockings with big gaping mouths.

Post Script

Gotta love the rant about Christmas carol etiquette … where else? At the Christmas Rants blog.

 

Stockings: Gifts beyond Christmas

Question: Are there reasons to give Christmas
stockings once Christmas has passed?

Answer: You bet!

Wedding

Although the wedding register is a now-traditional aspect of bridal fever, I tend to eschew the itemized “want list” in favor of a more personal gift. Nothing could be more personal than giving a pair of Christmas stockings to a newly married couple.

The stockings need not be identical to work, as long as they complement and flatter each other, rather than clashing horribly by being mismatched in terms of size, color, fabric choice, or general design. It helps if you know the couple’s tastes, colors, and/or home decor theme.

Whether you make the stockings yourself or purchase them elsewhere (here!), consider stitching the wedding date somewhere onto the face of the stocking to commemorate the couple’s union.

Baby Shower

When a woman or couple is preparing to welcome a new baby (either through pregnancy or adoption), the last thing they likely are considering is the baby’s first Christmas. As with the newlyweds, if you know them well enough to know their taste, color preferences, and/or home decor, a Christmas stocking can be a welcome gift for a new baby. Depending on the couple’s tastes, a stocking that incorporates baby-themed flannel or cotton prints in bright or pastel colors might work well.

If the couple has opted not to learn the child’s gender or name the baby ahead of time, you may want to include a note offering to affix the baby’s name to the stocking after the birth, once the name has been determined.

Like the wedding date for the newlyweds, it can be a nice touch to add the baby’s birth date to the stocking.

Housewarming

Kitchen gadgets, cookbooks, houseplants, bottles of wine … all make great, but boring, housewarming gifts. A great gift for the new homeowner – particularly a first-time home buyer – is a Christmas stocking that matches their taste and decor. Most people move earlier in the year, so when the holidays roll around, your friend or loved one will likely be grateful to you for your thoughtful gift of a personalized stocking.

New Office or Business

Have you ever seen stockings used as decorations at places like banks, the dentist’s office, or your dry cleaner? Ever wonder where they come from and who puts the names on them? I do!

If someone you know is opening a new business or storefront, a set of Christmas stockings can make the perfect congratulatory gift. Like the case of the new baby, you can always offer to personalize the stockings at a later time – or make them so festive and gorgeous that names become completely unnecessary.

The fact is, stockings are still primarily a facet of the Christmas celebration … but they make wonderful gifts year-round.

 

Pagan origins of many Christmas traditions

Although Christmas is celebrated throughout the Christian population, it also is celebrated worldwide by many non-Christians as a secular, cultural festival. What many people may not realize is that a number of the Christian traditions around the celebration of the birth of Christ actually have pagan origins.

The second holiest day on the Christian calendar (Easter being the holiest day) bears Christ’s name, but many Christmas practices began hundreds of years before he was born, some going back more than 4,000 years. Winter solstice celebrations such as Saturnalia and Yule eventually gave way to the celebration of Christ’s birth, even though most historians believe Christ was probably born in September. One reason most agree it’s very unlikely that Jesus was born in December is the mention in the Bible of shepherds tending their sheep in the fields that night, which would have been quite unlikely during Judah’s cold winter.

Solstice Traditions

In ancient Babylon, the feast of the Son of Isis (the Goddess of Nature) was celebrated on December 25. This feast involved raucous partying, indulgence in food and drink, and lavish gift-giving. Additionally, in Rome the winter solstice was known as Saturnalia, as it honored Saturn, the god of agriculture. In January, the Romans also observed the Kalends, which celebrated the triumph of life over death. The entire season was known as Dies Natalis Invicti Solis, meaning the Birth of the Unconquered Sun.

In northern Europe, pagans had their own winter solstice celebration, which was known as Yule. This feast commemorated the birth of the pagan sun god, Mithras, and was observed on the shortest day of the year. Huge Yule logs were burned in honor of the sun. The word Yule means “wheel,” which was a pagan symbol for the sun.

The merging of the celebration of Christ’s birth with the winter solstice did not occur until more than 300 years after Christ died, when Pope Julius I declared December 25 as the Christmas holy day. It is believed he was trying to make it easier for the Romans to convert to Christianity by allowing them to preserve some of their favorite feasts. Because of these pagan origins, some devout Christian sects like the Puritans forbade their members from celebrating Christmas, even into the late 1800s.

History of Modern Customs Traditions

Modern customs related to the holiday include gift-giving, religious celebrations, and the display of various decorations – including the Christmas tree, lights, mistletoe, nativity scenes, holly, and of course, stockings.

• In contemporary tradition, Santa Claus and Father Christmas are generally thought of as one and the same character, although they arose out of different traditions. Santa is generally believed to be the result of a blend between the actual St. Nicholas and elements from pagan Nordic and Christian mythology.

• Mistletoe was considered a sacred plant by the Druids, and the custom of kissing under the mistletoe began as a fertility ritual.

• The Christmas tree is often explained as a Christianization of the pagan Winter Solstice tradition, which included the use of evergreen cuttings in an adaptation of pagan tree worship. Scandinavians hung apples from evergreen trees at the winter solstice to remind themselves that spring and summer would come again. The modern Christmas tree tradition is believed to have begun in Germany in the 18th century, although some argue that Martin Luther began the tradition in the 16th century.
• The Romans decked their halls with garlands of laurel and placed candles in live trees to decorate for the celebration of Saturnalia.

 

Christmas ornaments coming down … today!

So one of the biggest things I’ve been procrastinating is taking down the Christmas decorations and lights. They’re fun to put up, and great fun to enjoy while they’re up, but then you have to take them down. 😦

There’s a DJ on KLOVE radio who drives me a little bit crazy with all her folksy stories about her home, her family, and her kids. I’m not sure what it says about me, but I just don’t find most conversations along those lines all that interesting … not just from her, but from any DJ … and it’s the first thing that will cause me to change the station. That being said, the other day, this gal made a comment about “corralling the Christmas ornaments,” that I thought was timely and clever.

She mentioned going around the house and collecting the decorations and ornaments, herding them, as it were, to the dining room table where they waited to be packed back into their boxes for storage until next Christmas. And how even as you’ve made the rounds a couple times, thinking you’ve finally got them all, a week after everything’s been put away, you’ll almost invariably find an errant reindeer lurking from a hidden corner.

Well, I was late to the decorating party this year, so I didn’t put out too many ornaments. As a result, there will be no real need for corralling – but I just really enjoyed the image it created for me, and I hope you do, too!

Happy cleaning, packing, storing, and preparing for the next big seasonal holiday … Groundhog’s Day Valentine’s Day!

 

The Best Stocking Stuffer EVER!

OK, so I’ve already mentioned what a geek I am about Christmas lights. L-O-V-E them. So you’d think, after 9 winters in Phoenix, I would have made it to Zoo Lights at the Phoenix Zoo before now. Alas, I did not. I even placed an ad on Craigslist to find someone to go with me this season … and while I’ve had about 75 responses, for a variety of reasons – but mostly scheduling challenges – none has, as of yet, turned into a date to Zoo Lights.

So I finally wound up going tonight with  my eccentric next door neighbor. He’s been wanting to go for a long time, too – he was actually the one who put the idea in my head to post to CL to try to find someone to go with because he was away visiting his family in Las Vegas over the holidays.

All I can say is it was well worth the wait! Amazing to look at, and stroll through. They were still playing Christmas carols, which, in this case was a very nice thing. And although it was great fun to walk through with a neighborly buddy, I have to tell you, I can scarcely think of anything that would make a nicer (i.e., more romantic) first, second, or third date. Delightful, enchanting, intoxicating … none of those words overstates the experience.

My only disappointment was that the otters (my second favorite exhibit, but second only to the turtles, which you can see for free at the entryway to the zoo) were nowhere to be seen. According the the program, zebras, flamingos, and otters are among the most nocturnal creatures, and ones we could expect to see. We saw – and smelled – javalina, up close and personal. Saw the pink birds memorialized on lawns across America. Saw what might have been zebras from a great distance – either that or ponies or large dogs. But the otters, alas, were MIA.

So here are some fun facts about Phoenix’s Zoo Lights:

• They use 2.5 million individual lights
• One tree can have as many as 15,000 lights
• It takes a 4-person crew about 12 weeks to install the lights, or 2,000 (hu)man-hours
• The zoo has a full-time, year-round staff dedicated to installing, removing, planning, designing, and building Zoo Lights displays

Shawn and I at the entrance to Zoo Lights

OTHER CITIES WITH ZOO LIGHTS DISPLAYS

Portland

Washington, D.C.

Point Defiance, Washington

Denver

Chicago

Oakland

Memphis

Salt Lake City

Gainesville, Texas

So if you live anywhere near Phoenix or the other cities mentioned here and you have a Christmas lights aficionado on your stocking stuffer list, I promise you will NOT go wrong with tickets to Zoo Lights. If they’ve never been, they’ll love you forever. And if they have been, they’ll think you’re the most thoughtful person on earth to treat them again. Even for people who aren’t all that into the whole Christmas lights display thing, it’s still a fun, fun way to celebrate the season!

* * * * * * *

And, in a bit of personal shameless self-promotion (after all, marketing is a significant piece of what I do in my real life!), here’s the ad I put on Craigslist … just in case you’ve read all the way to the end and happen to know a single guy in the Phoenix area who sounds like the one I’ve described. Stranger things have happened, I’m thinking…

Zoo Lights, anyone? – 41 (Central Phoenix)

---

Reply to: pers-977054391@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-01-01, 11:52PM MST

I’ve always wanted to go, but have never made it, for
some reason. It’s open till January 11, so we still have a
few days.

OK, here are the goods . . .

ME
• 41 / single / near Central & Campbell
• 5’2” / brown eyes / shoulder-length brunette hair
• Work out 3x a week – but not a gym rat or Barbie
• Self-employed as an editor/writer/marketer
• Reader / moviegoer / movie critic
• Love almost any kind of music
• Creative and easy-going
• Eclectic interests from baseball to sewing to yard
sales to hiking
• 2 dogs

YOU
• Roughly 35 to 50
• Single / available / believe chivalry is alive and well
• Greater Phoenix
• Gainfully occupied
• Smart / liberal / funny / open-minded
• Spiritually inclined
• Good conversationalist
• Have a purpose/passion

If this resonates with you, please drop a line. And if
you have kids, feel free to bring them along. Happy
New Year!

Laura

 

Little Christmas – and the Legend of the Three Kings

If you’ve ever wondered where the tradition of giving gifts at Christmas originated  . . .  those who follow the Christian tradition believe it came from the story of the Three Wise Men (magi) who brought gifts to the infant Christ child.

The story of the Three Kings is told only in Matthew’s gospel, chapter 2, verses 1-12. I have reprinted the Good News Bible version below.

Jesus was born in the town of Bethlehem in Judea, during the time when Herod was king. Soon afterward, some men who studied the stars came from the East to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the baby born to be the king of the Jews? We saw his star when it came up in the east and we have come to worship him.”

When King Herod heard about this, he was very upset, and so was everyone else in Jerusalem. He called together all the chief priests and the teachers of the Law and asked them, “Where will the Messiah be born?”

“In the town of Bethlehem in Judea,” they answered. “For this is what the prophet wrote:

Then they returned to their country by another road, since god had warned them in a dream not to go back to Herod.

‘Bethlehem in the land of Judah,
you are  by no means the least of the leading cities of Judah;
for from you will come a leader
who will guide my people, Israel.'”

So Herod called the visitors from the East to a secret meeting and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. Then he sent them to Bethlehem with these instructions: “Go and make a careful search for the child; and when you find him, let me know so that I, too, may go and worship him.”

And so they left, and on their way they saw the same star that they had seen in the East. When they saw it, how happy they were, what joy was theirs! It went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. They went into the house, and when they saw the child with his mother, Mary, they knelt down and worshipped him. They brought out their gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh, and presented them to him.

Celebrated on January 6th, Little Christmas (more commonly known as the Epiphany) is the traditional end of the Christmas season, falling as it does on the Twelfth Day of Christmas.

While it commemorates the visit and gifts of the Magi, the Christian feast day of the Epiphany celebrates the “shining forth” or revelation of God in human form in the person of Jesus. The three kings – Melchor, Gaspar, and Balthazar – are believed to have represented Europe, Arabia, and Africa. They allegedly arrived on horse, camel, and elephant, bringing respectively gold, frankincense, and myrrh to the baby Jesus.

EPIPHANY IN OTHER CULTURES

In some European cultures, the greenery put up at Christmas is taken down at Epiphany.

In Ireland, Little Christmas is also referred to as Women’s Christmas because of the tradition of Irish men taking on all the household duties for the day and giving their spouses a day off. Most women hold parties or go out to celebrate the day with their friends, sisters, mothers, aunts, etc. Bars and restaurants usually have a majority female clientele on this night. Children often buy presents for their mothers and grandmothers, and it closely resembles Mother’s Day in this respect.

The Dutch and Flemish call this day Three Kings’ Day (Drie koningen). In the Netherlands and Belgium, children proceed in costume from house to house in groups of three while singing songs commemorating the occasion, and receiving a coin or some sweets at each door.

Traditional King's Cake

In France, people eat a version of a king cake, which has a trinket (usually a porcelain figurine of a king) or a bean hidden inside. The tradition is that the person who finds the trinket in their cake becomes “King for a Day.”

In Portugal, the Epiphany is called day of the kings (dia los reis), during which the traditional king cake is baked and eaten.

Like the tradition of Christmas stockings elsewhere in the world, in Spain, Mexico, Argentina, and Uruguay, children (and many adults) polish and leave their shoes ready for the Kings’ presents before they go to bed on the evening of January 5th. Sweet wine, fruit, milk, and snacks are left for the Kings and their camels.

In Mexico, it is traditional for children to leave their shoes, along with a letter with toy requests for the Three Kings, near the family nativity scene or next to their beds. In some parts of northern Mexico, the shoes and letters are left under the Christmas tree. Sometimes, the shoes are filled with hay for the camels, so that the Kings will be generous with their gifts.

In Louisiana, the Epiphany is the beginning of the Mardi Gras season, during which it is customary to bake king cakes. The one who finds the doll (or bean) must provide the next king cake. The interval between Epiphany and Mardi Gras is sometimes known as “king cake season.”

 

Origins of “The Twelve Days of Christmas”

So the tree’s probably starting to wither and you may be packing away those ornaments and stockings. We’re already heading into January 4 … technically, the 10th Day of Christmas. You, of course, remember the old song:

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me…
12 drummers drumming
11 pipers piping
10 lords a-leaping
9 ladies dancing
8 maids a-milking
7 swans a-swimming
6 geese a-laying
5 golden rings
4 calling birds
3 French hens
2 turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!

What you may not know is that a controversy is raging over the origin of the lyrics. One explanation that has been widely circulated via the Internet over the past few years purports that “The Twelve Days of Christmas” was written in England as a catechism song to help young Catholics learn the basics of their faith, albeit in code, because Catholicism was a forbidden practice in England from 1558 till 1829.

This theory has been widely debunked, even as believers continue to disseminate it as fact. Another theory posits that the song relates to the stocking and running of a country estate. As with many folk songs of distant origin, however, tracking down the original intent/meaning behind the lyrics may prove a futile task.

Catholic Interpretation The tree itself is the symbol of the fall of the human race through the sin of Adam and Eve. It also is the symbol of humanity’s redemption by Jesus Christ on the tree of the Cross. The partridge in the pear tree is Christ Jesus upon the cross. In the song, Christ is symbolically presented as a mother partridge because she would feign injury to decoy a predator away from her nestlings, even willing to die for them. The two turtle doves refer to the Old and New Testaments. The three French hens stand for faith, hope, and love – the three gifts of the Holy Spirit that abide (1 Corinthians 13). The four calling birds refer to the four evangelists who wrote the Gospels – Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John – which sing the song of salvation through Jesus Christ. The five golden rings represent the first five books of the Bible, also called the Torah: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. The six geese a-laying are the six days of it took for God to create the earth and populate it. The seven swans a-swimming refer to the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit: wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord. The eight maids a-milking reminded God’s children of the eight Beatitudes, listed by Christ in the Sermon on the Mount: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven; blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted; blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth; blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice, for they shall be satisfied; blessed are the merciful, for they shall know mercy; blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God; blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God; and blessed are they who suffer persecution because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. The nine ladies dancing represent the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. The ten lords a-leaping represents the Ten Commandments: (i) I am the Lord, your God, you shall have no other gods before me. (ii) You shall not take the name of the Lord, your God, in vain. (iii) Keep holy the Sabbath day. (iv) Honor your father and your mother. (v) You shall not kill. (vi) You shall not commit adultery. (vii) You shall not steal. (viii) You shall not bear false witness. (ix) You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife. (x) You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods. The eleven pipers piping refers to the 11 faithful apostles (Judas being excluded as the traitor who betrayed Jesus). The twelve drummers drumming were the 12 points of belief expressed in the Apostles’ Creed: belief in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, that Jesus Christ was born of the Virgin Mary, made man, crucified, died and arose on the third day, that he sits at the right hand of the father and will come again, the resurrection of the dead and life everlasting.

Country Estate Interpretation The partridge in a pear tree refers to a plot of wooded land suitable for breeding game birds such as partridges and pheasants. It is also suggested that the gift of a pear tree would get a person started on their own orchard – if this gift were indeed given on 12 consecutive days, it would result in a moderate orchard and a foundation flock of partridges. The two turtle doves, while a classic symbol of love, are also a food item. Many big houses kept dovecotes to breed pigeons for their meat. A male and female turtle dove would certainly have started off someone’s dovecote. If the gift were given on 11 days, it would more than adequately stock the dovecote. The recipient’s poultry flock is augmented by three French hens, although hopefully one of the birds would actually be a cockerel! Although the four colley birds is frequently explained as four “coaly” (black) birds, it is just as likely to be calling birds, in keeping with the food theme. A “calling” pheasant (i.e. one trying to attract a mate) is tethered or caged and attracts other birds into the area. Gamekeepers put calling birds – not just pheasants – on land where they want to increase the grouse or pheasant population, e.g. moorland used for game shooting – hence “calling birds” could be a useful gift. Five gold rings is a debatable one. If taken literally, it might indicate a gift of wealth in the form of jewelry or gold coins. The rings might mean “round pieces,” e.g., coins. This would eventually amount to a small treasure chest of gold, possibly indicating a dowry. It is also suggested that the gold rings refer to yellow rounds of cheeses – not as silly as you might think when you consider that a later gift includes dairy cattle and maids to milk them. Six geese a-laying would provide not only eggs, but also meat. The seven swans a-swimming might sound picturesque today, but swans were eaten in the same manner as ducks or geese (and are very similar in flesh). Swans are also a symbol of the gentry (today most are possessions of the crown) and allude to the wealth of the estate – something already suggested if the gold rings are gold coins. The later gifts almost certainly allude, in part, to the staff needed for running the estate. Consider the eight maids a-milking: the maids need something to milk (i.e., cattle –unless you go for the bawdy interpretation of them as wet nurses, though they would likely then not be described as “maids”). The nine dancing ladies, 10 leaping lords, 11 pipers and 12 drummers suggest a celebratory feast, possibly the Christmas dinner itself, which would be accompanied by music. Pipes and drums were popular instrumental combinations. All in all, we have some of the basics for a largely self-sufficient country estate – a considerable staff for the household and grounds, a dairy, poultry, waterfowl, gamebirds, orchard, and possibly a large amount of money in the form of gold coin.

According to a media release from Northern Illinois University, “The Twelve Days of Christmas” was named the 2008 “Carol of the Year.” They report in their findings:

Like many older carols, the origins of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” are vague. Some say it was written in France, but Studwell is firmly in the camp of those who trace its roots to England. It was most likely written, he believes, during the period of history known as the Restoration, a brief interlude from about 1660 to 1730, between the Puritan Revolution and the rise of Methodism. It was a period of lightheartedness (relative to the eras it separated, anyway) which would have allowed for the rise of such a frivolous song, Studwell says.

The acclaimed researcher puts little stock in the theory that the carol originated as a code developed by English Catholics to secretly teach their children catechism. The idea was first set forth by the Rev. Harold Stockert in 1969 and has been revived on the Internet in recent years.

OK, so regardless of the origin, we can all agree that the quantities of livestock and servant-types bestowed by my true love in this song start to add up, once you get to the sixth day and beyond. Wayyyyy more than could ever be delivered in a stocking (unless it was in the form of a pop-up book).

The question, then, becomes, “So, how many gifts IS that!?” Believe it or not, math geeks have figured our a formula to determine this number. The following excerpt explains just a bit of it:

Good question, I’m glad you asked! Let’s start by thinking about how many gifts are given on each day. On the first day, the narrator receives one gift: a partridge in a pear tree. On the second day, the narrator receives two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree: 2 + 1 = 3 gifts in total. On the third day, there are 3 + 2 + 1 = 6 gifts, on the fourth day, 4 + 3 + 2 + 1 = 10 gifts, and so on. In general, it’s not hard to see that on the nth day, the narrator receives a number of gifts equal to the sum of all the integers from 1 to n. So the number of gifts the narrator gets on each day are 1, 3, 6, 10, 15, 21, 28, 36, 45, 55, 66, 78.

These numbers are known as triangular numbers, due to the fact that they can be represented pictorially by dots arranged in triangles. Like this:

It shouldn’t be too hard to see that the number of dots in the nth triangle above corresponds to the sum of the integers from 1 through n (just count the number of dots in each row). Can you find a pattern and come up with a way to quickly figure out the nth triangular number, without having to add up all the numbers from 1 to n?

Any way you slice it, though, it’s a LOT of people and animals.

So there you have it … an attempt to explain the thoughts and intentions behind “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Enjoy the last few … and beware the steaming piles!

 

Specialty Gifts for Redheads, People With Narrow Feet, etc.

I had breakfast this morning with an old friend who’s a well-respected sales trainer. It’s a tradition we have of getting together at the holidays, particularly if it’s  been a long time since we’ve connected. We always swap information, some business-related, some just applicable to life in general. Today my friend, who happens to be a redhead, told me about a great Web site she came across called JustForRedheads.com. Their tagline is: “Finally, beauty products designed just for redheads, by a redhead®.”

I thought back to the various redheads I’ve had in my life over the years and realized it’s probably a great marketing niche for hair products, cosmetics, and the like.

She also told me about a site that her husband had learned of, related to narrow shoes. Apparently they can be pretty hard to come by. I did a little research and came across two good sites for people in search of narrow shoes:
Site One
Site Two

Learning about those specialty sites, of course, got me thinking about what a great gift-giving (and stocking-stuffer) idea it would be to focus on gifts centered around the things that make a person unique. Generally speaking, we’re really good at hobby-related stuff (golfers, musicians, casinogoers, movie buffs, gourmet chefs, dog owners, etc.), but how often do we think to go after gifts that can actually make someone’s life easier?

Here are a few other similar (in my opinion) kinds of needs and sites to accommodate them:

Nursing Moms

Nursing Mother Supplies claims to be one of the premiere, boutique providers of breast-feeding supplies in the United States.

—————

Short People

This page lists Web sites that sell, list or discuss products for short people.

—————

People in 12-Step Programs

AA and recovery gifts; AA Big Book, 12-step books; medallions; drug-addiction books, AA merchandise.

—————

Vegans and Vegetarians

Find cruelty-free & eco-friendly vegan gifts plus everyday vegetarian grocery for your family, friends, and yourself!

—————

Vision Impaired and Hearing Impaired

The catalogue of products for the visually impaired and hard of hearing.

—————

Left-Handed People
Site One
Site Two

Interestingly, the two top sites for left-handed products both originate in the UK. Do they  have more lefties than the US?

 

What to Get for the Man Who Has Everything…

Do you have people in your life who are easy to shop for? My younger sister is one. Whether it’s her birthday or Christmas, I will be completey finished with all my shopping. Done. Finito. Not buying another thing. And then I’ll see the perfect candle, earrings, book … you name it. As a result, she always has lots more gifts at Christmas than anyone else in the family.

Then, on the other hand, there are those people for whom, it seems, finding the right gift is next to impossible. My personal trainer is one of them. He is a phenomenal guy, but I feel like I struggle every year to find the right gift for him. He eats only healthy, organic food … so gift baskets are out of the question. I know I’ve advocated them in other posts, but gift cards seem utterly impersonal. One year, I took a photo of him and traced it onto craft foam to create a little Scott White “doll,” for lack of a better word. I figured if famous people can have dolls – and he’s on his way to being famous – he should have one, too. It was kind of goofy, but kind of cool at the same time. And he must have liked it, because it’s still sitting on top of his kitchen counter, more than a year later.

So this year, I was just about out of ideas, until I remembered that I’d never made him a Christmas stocking. So off I trundled to Joann Fabric, in search of fabric that had weights or big biceps or anything that remotely resembled personal training. It was a bust. I found absolutely nothing that related in any way to personal training. Now this is a store that has John Deere fabric, horses, ballerinas, musical notes. You name the hobby or interest, and they’ve probably got fabric to match. I mean, I actually lost count of the different kinds of skull & crossbone prints. Pink skulls with bows, even! But there was nary a weightlifting/running/exercise print anywhere that I looked. (In Joann’s defense, I did not have time to comb through EVERY bolt of material. However, there was nothing in the vicinity of all the other prints I’ve mentioned – so I think I did a pretty good job of searching.)

So I did a quick mental inventory of Scott’s other interests (computers, mountain biking, surfing) and hit on the perfect one. He’s a businessman, right? So I found a few great money prints.

When I gave him the stocking, I told him about striking out with the personal training fabric, and he said, “No – I like this one better!” He told me he’d spent a lot of time looking for a nice stocking for his girlfriend and was disappointed at the cheap quality of the stockings for sale in most stores. Hell-o! Why do you think I’ve been hand-crafting them with love for all these years?

Bottom line: the gift was a hit. Because there really is a fabric to  match almost any taste, hobby, sports team, alma mater, or state in the union, stockings do make great gifts!

 

Saying “Yes!” to Opportunities to Serve

Chances are good that at some time in your life, you have donated – or have been invited to donate – nonperishables for a food drive in your community. Have you ever stopped to wonder where that food goes, and how it gets to the people who finally receive it?

Many years ago, my father joined an organization called St. Vincent de Paul, a nonprofit group affiliated with the Catholic church. According to their Web page, the Society of St. Vincent de Paul “offers tangible assistance to those in need on a person-to-person basis. It is this personalized involvement that makes the work of the Society unique. This aid may take the form of intervention, consultation, or often through direct dollar or in-kind service. An essential precept of the Society’s work is to provide help while conscientiously maintaining the confidentiality and dignity of those who are served. The Society recognizes that it must assume, also, a role of advocacy for those who are defenseless or voiceless. Some 12 million persons are helped annually by Vincentians in the United States.”

One of the main ways my dad contributed was by making house calls to deliver food boxes to those who’d called our church to request material assistance. For a short time (less than a year) while I was in high school, I used to go with him on these calls. I’d honestly forgotten all about it – both the need people had for the assistance and my own participation, once upon a time – until a few days ago, my sister asked me if I’d be willing to go with her to make some SVDP calls. In fact, until she asked me to help her, I don’t think I even realized she’d gotten involved in the organization, since moving back to Phoenix from New Jersey in the last couple years.

I agreed to go with her on the calls, as her usual partner has become unreliable – and for safety reasons, they always go in teams of at least 2 people.

While I have no real memory of how I felt when I accompanied my dad on his calls all those years ago (although I do have a slight recollection of feeling somewhat uncomfortable), this time around, I felt humbled. What a thing, to be frustrated that we didn’t get the tree up till Christmas Eve or to worry about not getting all of my personal stocking gifts finished on time … when in other houses within our very community, people have real concerns – like how they’re going to put food on the table for themselves and their two small children.

We went on two calls. One was a single man, probably in his 30s with squarish, horn-rimmed glasses. The other was a couple with a 2-year-old and a 2-month old. The man’s home, on the second floor of a rather run-down apartment complex that faces a busy street, smelled like an ashtray. Although it was not my place to judge, I caught  myself wondering whether he was spending on cigarettes money  he could have been using to purchase food. Good thing I’m neither in charge of the organization, nor do I make the rules. Based on the charitable vision of St. Vincent himself, they judge no one and do their best to serve all who ask … including the strung-out, unwashed, uneducated, crude, and otherwise untouchables we’d probably never  give the time of day under normal circumstances.

Even at my lowest point financially (trying to stretch $100 to last a month, back in college), I have never really wanted for anything. Food, clothing, shelter, clean drinking water, friends, family, entertainment … freedom. The problem is that when we have so much, it’s way too easy to take the bare basics for granted.

I don’t believe any of us who are blessed with abundance should feel guilty for what we’ve achieved or for the possessions we do have. But I think it makes us better people … kinder people … when we can remember that not everyone on earth – or perhaps even around the corner from us – is as blessed as we are. And more importantly, our own lights shine just a little brighter when the opportunity arises to serve or help lighten their load, and we respond with an unqualified, “Yes!”

 

Spiral Tree on Muslin with Green/Red Checks

Spiral Tree on Muslin with Green/Red Checks

This whimsical stocking will delight
young and old alike. Modern spiral
tree is hand-painted  on muslin
and bedecked with tiny wooden
Christmas lights. Hand-painted
green & red checked pattern.
Band of stamped stars border
the opening . Fully lined.
Measures 9″ H x 6″ W. $40

Please eMail SpiralTree@WordsMadeEasy.com to purchase.

 

Southwest Print with Red Faux Fur Cuff

Southwest Print with Red Faux Fur Cuff and Cowbell

This stocking is made-to-order for the
person with Southwest decor and taste.
This muted print features a red
Southwest pattern with a red faux fur
accent cuff, complete with brass cowbell
on a leather tether. Fully lined.
Measures 17″ H x 8.5″ W. $30

Please eMail RedSouthwest@WordsMadeEasy.com to purchase.

 

Gift Card You’ll Never Use?

What the $%%^#@ is it???

OK, so it isn’t very often that the big fella gets it wrong … but think of the strain of keeping everyone’s wish list straight. Perhaps it was a clerical error on behalf of the elfing staff, or maybe Rudolph sneezed on Santa’s list right at your name, turning it into nothing but a blurry, illegible smudge. The fact is that inevitably we all wind up with gifts and stocking stuffers we don’t want and/or can’t really use.

This includes everything from gift cards to music, movies, event tickets, and even jewelry. Wondering what to do with your item besides letting it sit and collect dust?

GiftSwap.com would do Jerry, George, and Elaine proud! It’s the site that makes regifting a breeze. The best part is that it’s not really regifting, but rather gift-swapping. Meaning that you’re not only finding a new home for that Hooters gift card you’ll never use, but you’re getting cash or a gift card of equal value to a store or restaurant you actually do like!

The people who came up with this idea must be related to the same geniuses who created MeetUp.com. What a brilliant, innovative use for the Net.

How it works…

GiftSwap is easy. If you already know what you are looking for, simply search in the “I’m Looking for a…” category. If you have something you want to swap, search in the “I Want to Swap a…” category. Can’t decide? Just browse and see if someone has an item you want.

Once you’ve decided on an item you would like in exchange for your item, click on that item. You will be forwarded to the Swap Page where you can make a formal offer. This offer will be forwarded person who posted the item, who then decides whether to accept or reject your offer. Once your offer is accepted, you will receive the address to ship your item to, and the person who posted will receive your address. It’s that simple.

If your item does not fit into any of the existing categories, you can always create a new posting describing your item and let other users make you offers.

And one of the absolutely coolest features is GiftSwap’s inclusion of a section where nonprofits can place bids for donations of gift cards and other unwanted/unused items.

So if you were one of those unlucky souls for whom Santa botched your Christmas gift request, there are two things to do:

1. Be grateful you’re lucky enough to have received the present in the first place.
2. Log on to GiftSwap.com and trade it in so you can have the thing you really will appreciate.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A late addition…

Another site where you can swap your gift card for another card of your choice is GiftCardRescue.com. Their Web site claims that unlike other gift card swapping Web sites, you do not have to wait till you find someone willing to do a trade with you. GiftCardRescue.com will buy your gift card for a percentage of the card value (usually between 60 percent and 80 percent, depending on the popularity of the card) and you can then use the proceeds to buy a brand new gift card of your choice.

GiftCardRescue.com offers gift cards from more than 35 national retailers, like the Home Depot, Target, Best Buy, Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, Victoria’s Secrets, Ann Taylor and Brooks Brothers, to name a few. So the next time you find yourself stuck with an unwanted gift card, first say: “Thank you.” Then make your way to GiftCardRescue.com to trade yours in for a gift card you will use.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

And lastly … there’s actually a National Regifting Day!! The following is excerpted from their site:

In honor of holiday office parties and the “unique” gifts exchanged at them, the creators of Regiftable.com have declared the Thursday before Christmas to be National Regifting Day.

This date is particularly appropriate since, according to our unscientific research, the third Thursday of December it is the most common day for a holiday office party.  And, according to our very scientific research, four in 10 regifters (41%) target coworkers as the recipients of their regifts.

 

Phoenix Light Rail Riders Pop Their Cherries…um…er…or Is It Bananas?

Look quick, because this is likely the only time you will EVER see me in a banana suit!

You may have heard about all the fuss … Phoenix, Arizona – the fifth largest city in the country – finally has moved into the 21st century, transportation-wise. The Metro Light Rail debuted on Saturday, Dec. 27. It’s been y-e-a-r-s in the making. And we’ve been y-e-a-r-s in the waiting. But finally, after all the hype and the practice runs and the endless e-mails and news stories, it was open.

Though I live two blocks from the tracks and have honestly been pretty excited about the coming of the train, my neighbor, who’s ridden trains in cities around the globe, couldn’t figure out what all the fuss was about. Having lived in the NYC area for eight years, though, I got it. It’s not a bus, but a living, breathing train. It feels like our city’s grown up a bit…moved from the kids’ table to now dine with the grown-ups. Not sure how much it will help/affect the gridlock traffic, but I love the idea of living in a city with a train system.

Phoenicians have mixed feelings about the new train. Some feel it’s a huge waste of taxpayer money, while others share my more charitable view. One thing’s for sure – we know how to throw a party. Depending on which news source you read, between 90,000 and 150,000 people came out for the debut. People literally waited HOURS for a chance to ride the thing. My friends and I took a shuttle bus to a mid-line stop and had to wait only about 15 minutes before being able to  board. We rode only about 4 miles along the 20-mile track, exiting in the downtown area where one of the biggest parties was in full swing.

Oh – and we were wearing banana suits at the time. Seriously.

Like many girls named Anna, my friend, Anna Kruchten, endured the ubiquitous “Anna Banana” teasing as a child. She, however, decided to turn her moniker into a money-maker when she opened her own real estate agency and christened it Anna Banana Realty. Now she, her agents, and assorted other banana-types make a regular thing of donning banana suits and hitting the town for coffee, lunch, ribbon-cuttings, charity events, and every other opportunity that arises. The Light Rail grand opening was tailor-made for this Banana Bunch.

The most amazing thing was how many people stopped us to ask if they could get a picture with us…as if we were famous or interesting or important. OK, I guess we were interesting. Probably 60 percent of those who stopped us asked WHY we were wearing the banana suits. But a surprising number didn’t seem to care – they just wanted to preserve their moment with the five human bananas in digital imagery.

Some asked where we got the costumes…Bert Easley’s Fun Shop, of course.

Bananas costumes. Seriously.

So when it came to Christmas gifts this season for Anna and her husband, Gary, I naturally had to go along with the banana theme. I made matching banana stockings! The color’s a little on the orangey side…but other than that, they somewhat resemble the banana suits…and actual bananas. They’re a little narrow, but still wide and deep enough to accommodate all kinds of great stocking fillers.

I haven’t ridden the train again since the first day, even though it’s free through New Year’s Eve – but I have no doubt I will ride again soon. Did I  mention they’ve even made the train cars bike friendly?! As appealing as the notoriety may be, next time I ride, though, I think I’ll leave the banana suit at home.

 

Songs That Mention Christmas Stockings – Part 3

Here, in alphabetical order, are the partial lyrics to all the songs I could find that contain a mention of Christmas stockings.

I’ve marked the line before and after, and highlighted the word “stocking” for easy reference.

DISCLAIMER: Please be aware of several things.

(1) This list may not be complete. If you know of any songs I have missed, please e-mail me or post a comment and I’ll get your song added to the list.

(2) I haven’t heard of a lot of these songs . . . but I trusted my ever-knowledgeable Internet.

(3) Some of these songs contain profanity or objectionable imagery. I honestly went back and forth about whether or not to include them, but as I do not favor or condone censorship under any circumstances, it seemed hypocritical to then censor my own blog because some reader might be offended. I’ll mark the offending lyrics with a big CR for “creepy” or “crude” so you can know to skip them if you think they will offend . . . but please know they are included. If you’re perusing this site with your kids, just be aware.

(4) There are 38 songs total, so I’ve broken he list into 3 parts: 1-12, 13-24, and 25-38.

<!–[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE <![endif]–><!–[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]–>I’m Coming Home for Christmas

It’s Christmastime Again

Jolly Old St. Nicholas

Little Christmas Stocking With a Hole in the Toe

Merry Christmas, Everybody

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays

CR Merry Freakin’ Christmas

CR Merry Fucking Christmas

Santa Baby

Santa Claus Is Back in Town

Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town

Santa Got Arrested

Up on the Housetop

<!–[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE <![endif]–><!–[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]–>I ONLY WANT YOU FOR CHRISTMAS

Alan Jackson

The snow is falling

It’s Christmas Eve

Presents are wrapped

Under the tree

Is there one for me?

I only want you for Christmas, baby

I don’t need nothing else

I only want you for Christmas, baby

Tie a ribbon ’round yourself

Oh, tie a ribbon ’round yourself

I ain’t gonna write no letter

Send north to the pole

Cause what I’m wanting this year

Saint Nick don’t need to know

I only want you for Christmas, baby

I don’t need nothing else

I only want you for Christmas, baby

Tie a ribbon ’round yourself

Oh, tie a ribbon ’round yourself

So put on your Christmas STOCKINGS

I’ll find that mistletoe

Let’s get into the holiday spirits

And honey ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho

I’M COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

The Beu Sisters

Snowman angels, ribbons, bows

Dreams of cocoa and mistletoe

Seems like years since I’ve been home

Can’t bare to spend another Christmas alone

Packed my bags, I’m on my way

Heading home for the holidays

Crowded airports, flights delayed

Should’ve hitched a ride on Santa’s sleigh

Can’t wait to see their faces

Told ’em I couldn’t make it

But I’m gonna be there soon

Twinkle lights and caroling

Candy-cane-shaped sugar cookies

I’m coming home for Christmas

I’m coming home for Christmas

Friends and family trim the tree

Don’t put the star on top without me

Cause I’m coming home for Christmas

I’m coming home, it’s Christmastime

Bundled up like an Eskimo

Sitting in the snow

This little town is all the glow

While Jingle Bells is on the radio

Just a block away from memory lane

Snowflakes frosting windows

Neighbors waving happy holidays

While I slip and slide

Up the icy walkway

Can’t wait to see their faces

Ring the bell my heart is racing

Don’t even know their

Gonna see me soon

Standing in the doorway

The door swings open, Merry Christmas

They cover me with hugs and kisses

The little ones say a Christmas wish

Came true and mine did too

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

I’m finally home for Christmas

Friends and family trim the tree

Let’s put the star on and hang the STOCKINGS

I’m finally home for Christmas

Can’t believe I’m home for Christmastime

I’m finally home for Christmastime

IT’S CHRISTMASTIME AGAIN

Jessica Simpson

I see the lights are shining, against the winter sky

Above the rooftops, reindeer are flying

Bells are ringing through the night, I look outside

There’s a sleigh ride, a choir begins to sing

Stars gleaming, kids are dreaming

Of what the day will bring

In the fallen snow under the mistletoe

I need you here with me when I hold you close

Baby, take my hand in wonderland

Cause it’s Merry Christmas time again

It’s Christmastime again

A wreath on every front door, lights hung for all to see

Warm cider by the fire, STOCKINGS for you and me

Kids a gift for Santa, milk and cookies by the tree

I’m wondering what will he bring, this year on Christmas eve

Well there’s nothing like being home for Christmas

It’s a wonderful time of year

And there’s just one thing that’s noticed missing

Baby I’d feel that something’s missing

If you’re not here

JOLLY OLD ST. NICHOLAS

Traditional

Jolly old St. Nicholas, lean your ear this way!

Don’t you tell a single soul, what I’m going to say;

Christmas Eve is coming soon; now, you dear old man,

Whisper what you’ll bring to me; tell me if you can

When the clock is striking twelve, when I’m fast asleep,

Down the chimney broad and black, with your pack you’ll creep;

All the STOCKINGS you will find hanging in a row;

Mine will be the shortest one, you’ll be sure to know

Johnny wants a pair of skates, Susie wants a dolly;

Nellie wants a story book; she thinks dolls are folly;

As for me, my little brain isn’t very bright;

Choose for me, old Santa Claus, what you think is right

LITTLE CHRISTMAS STOCKING WITH A HOLE IN THE TOE

Unknown

In the house upon the hill

Hanging on the window sill

Was a little Christmas stocking with a hole in the toe

And when Santa came to call

At the house upon the hill

He saw the Christmas STOCKING hanging in the candle glow.

Santa chuckled to himself

As he walked across the floor

To the little Christmas stocking with a hole in the toe

And he saw a note was pinned

The place where it was torn

He read the note

then turned his head

so teardrops would not show

The note said, “Santa I am just a little boy

And I have everything that could bring me yuletide joy

When you fill my stocking, if it should overflow

I won’t mind if something pushes through the hole in the toe.”

Santa went back to his sled

And he loaded up his pack

Then he went back down the chimney and his heart was oh so glad

And he filled the stocking until no more he could pack

‘Cause the note said, “Please, dear Santa

Could you make the gifts for mom & dad?”

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY

Slade/Oasis/Westlife

Are you hanging up a STOCKING on the wall?

It’s the time that every Santa has a ball

Does he ride a red-nosed reindeer?

Does he turn up on his sleigh?

Do the fairies keep him sober for a day?

So here it is, Merry Christmas

Everybody’s having fun

Look to the future now

It’s only just begun

Are you waiting for the family to arrive?

Are you sure you got the room to spare inside?

Does your granny always tell ya that old songs are the best?

Then she’s up and rock ‘n’ rollin’ with the rest

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS

NSync

We’ve been waiting all year for this night

When the snow is glistening on the trees outside

All the STOCKINGS are hung by the fire side

Waiting for Santa to arrive

And all the love will show

Cuz everybody knows it’s Christmas time

And all the kids will see

The gifts under the tree

It’s the best time of year for the family

It’s a wonderful feeling

Feel the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling

It’s that time of year

Christmas time is here and

With a message from above

God sends you His love and

Everything’s OK

Merry Christmas

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

Happy Holidays

CR MERRY FREAKIN’ CHRISTMAS CR

Calibretto 13

Well, I woke up that night to take a pee

Decided to look under the tree

Well, what did I see? Oh it was he, stuffing the STOCKING for me

It was my dad

He said, “Son, you’re going on 19

It’s time to face reality

There is no Santa Claus

Face it if you can,

Cause Santa Claus was really just a man”

Santa Claus was just a man

Santa Claus was just a man

Why was I lied to?

It’s so hard to understand

Santa Claus was just a man

Santa Claus was just a man

Now I’m very mad

‘cause Santa Claus was really just my dad

He sat me down that morning to explain

But all the words he told me were in vain

Because the lie that I was living

Had led me to believe

That Santa Claus was more than just a dream

He was my dad

Santa Claus was just a man

Santa Claus was just a man

CR MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS CR

South Park/Mr. Garrison

I heard there is no Christmas in the silly Middle East

No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus,

They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad and not in our holiday

And so every December I got to the Middle East and say

Hey there Mr. Muslim, merry fucking Christmas

Put down that book, the Koran, and here’s some holiday wishes

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s Jesus’ birthday

So get off your heathen Muslim ass and fucking celebrate

There is no holiday season in India I’ve heard

They don’t hang up their STOCKINGS and that is just absurd

They’ve never read a Christmas story

They don’t know what Rudolph is about

And that is why in December I’ll go to India and shout

Hey there Mr. Hinduist, merry fucking Christmas

Drink eggnog and eat some beef and pass it to the missus

In case you haven’t noticed its Jesus’ birthday

So get of your heathen Hindu ass and fucking celebrate

Now I heard that in Japan everyone just lives in sin

They pray to several gods and put needles in their skin

On December 25th all they do is eat a cake

And that is why I go to Japan and walk around and say

Hey there Mr. Shintoist, merry fucking Christmas

God is gonna kick your ass, you infidelic pagan scum

In case you haven’t noticed, there’s festive things to do

So let’s all rejoice for Jesus and merry fucking Christmas to you

On Christmas day

I travel around the world and say

Down with Krishnas, Buddists, and all you atheists too

Merry fucking Christmas to you

SANTA BABY

Eartha Kitt/Jhene/Madonna/Kylie Minogue/Mindy McCready/B2K/Faith Evans/Carter’s Chord/Vonda Shepard

Santa, baby, fill my STOCKING with a duplex, and checks

Sign your X on the line, Santa, baby

And hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree

With some decorations bought at Tiffany’s

I really do, believe in you

So let’s see if you, believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing

A ring . . . and I don’t mean on the phone

Santa baby, please hurry down the chimney tonight

SANTA CLAUS IS BACK IN TOWN

Elvis Presley/Dwight Yoakam/Tricia Yearwood

Well, it’s Christmastime, pretty baby

And the snow is fallin’ on the ground (Christmas, Christmas)

Well, it’s Christmas time, pretty baby

And the snow is on the ground (Christmas, Christmas)

Well, you be a real good little girl

Santa Claus is back in town. (Christmas, Christmas)

Got no sleigh with reindeer, no sack on my back

You’re gonna see me comin’ in a big black Cadillac

Whoa, oh, it’s Christmas time, pretty baby

And the snow is fallin’ on the ground (Christmas, Christmas)

Well, you be a real good little baby

Santa Claus is back in town.

(Christmas, Christmas. Christmas)

Hang up your pretty STOCKINGS, turn off the light

Santa Claus is comin’ down your chimney tonight

SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN

Traditional

I just came back from a lovely trip along the Milky Way

I stopped off at the North Pole to spend the holiday

I called on old dear Santa Claus to see what I could see

He took me to his workshop and told his plans to me

Now Santa is a busy man – he has no time to play

He’s got millions of STOCKINGS to fill on Christmas day

You’d better write your letter now and mail it right away

Because he’s getting ready – his reindeers and his sleigh

You better watch out, you better not cry

You better not pout, I’m telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

He’s making a list and checking it twice

He’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake

He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake

Oh, you better watch out, you better not cry

You better not pout, I’m telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

SANTA GOT ARRESTED

The Arrogant Worms

There won’t be any presents this Christmas

No goodies in your STOCKING

The milk and cookies that the children left out

Will be left untouched beside the sink

The reindeer will be staying in their pens this year

The elves haven’t built anything

‘Cause Santa got arrested

Last Christmas Day

Police got calls on 911

About a red-suited man who weighed a ton

There was a clear trail of evidence pointing north

This was the seventh time it happened on December 24th

The Mounties reached the North Pole

They found it was outside their jurisdiction

They called up Interpol, the Finnish police

To facilitate the suspect’s extradition

They knocked on the door of a well-marked shop

With a warrant for the owner’s apprehension

Then Santa got arrested

Christmas Day

Santa was charged with B&E

His council advised he plead guilty

There was footage of the crime running on TV

And photographs of little children sitting on his knee

The judge expressed concern about the risk of recidivism

His sentence was commuted

He got a bond of non-association with the elves

And his reindeer license was suspended

He says he’s giving up all of his former life

And now he wants to be a dental assistant

‘Cause Santa got arrested

UP ON THE HOUSETOP

Traditional

Up on the housetop, reindeer pause

Out jumps good old Santa Claus

Down through the chimney with lots of toys

All for the little ones’ Christmas joys

Ho, ho ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Ho, ho ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Up on the housetop, click, click, click

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick

First comes the STOCKING of little Nell

Oh, dear Santa fill it well

Give her a dolly that laughs and cries

One that will open and shut her eyes

Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Up on the housetop, click, click, click

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick

Next comes the stocking of little Will

Oh, just see what a glorious fill

Here is a hammer and lots of tacks

A whistle and a ball and a whip that cracks

Ho, ho ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Up on the housetop, click, click, click

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick